Stop Spending So Much Time Together! Keller continues: Conventional wisdom is that the more time you spend together as a couple, the better your marriage will be. But time together is not always a good indicator of a good relationship, and as a matter of fact, it might indicate that the marriage is not doing well at all. I maintain that couples that spend proactive time apart can have deeper and more emotionally connected marriages. The reasons for this are many, but four primary reasons come to mind: first, time apart can give or return a sense of self. Second, it can allow time for personal evaluation. I am amazed at times how few people focus on how they are doing and their own personal development. Third, time apart can give a fresh perspective on your marriage and your spouse. Finally, it can give a genuine appreciation of your spouse. Conventional wisdom in these cases is many times wrong. There also are situations where remedial time apart is warranted. Proximity can be a reminder of recent offenses and can provoke continued pain in the offended spouse. Time apart can be an agent that will allow wounds to heal. It can begin a much-needed healing process for personal and relational needs. It can also be a time to establish a therapeutic protocol that would address the problems faced. Finally, it will allow the couple to work on an agreed upon reconciliation process. So, the mere proximity of your spouse cannot guarantee a growing relationship. When couples are stick, I strongly encourage them to take some time to themselves to gain a new perspective. And when the marriage is not doing well, many times taking some time apart becomes a necessity. Whatever your situation, be intentional with your time together, and don’t hesitate to use your time alone to bring a healthier perspective to your life and marriage.
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