Give Up Finding Your Soulmate! Of all the mistaken concepts foisted on the American culture over the last century, the concept of finding your soulmate is perhaps the greatest destroyer of marriages. I realize that Hollywood has been a convenient scapegoat for all sorts of disgruntled people, but I have to put a good portion of the “in love” myth squarely on its shoulders. The whole process of “falling in love” is one of the most coveted experiences in our culture; the harsh reality is that falling in love is no more than a temporary excitement that comes with a new relationship. This excitement is sustained by unusually high activity of our hormones and often complemented by a propensity to live in fantasy. We are an emotional culture and there really is nothing inherently wrong in that. But it can lead to being caught up in relational myths that consistently work against a couple having a successful and satisfying marriage. The fallacy in this thinking is summed up in a statement I hear all too often: “I missed my soulmate.” Really? It’s as if our journey through this life is a search for “the one,” the only person that is uniquely suited to join us in our life’s journey so we can be completely fulfilled and happy. And if we can just be diligent enough, or patient enough, or wise enough, then we will be truly completed. Not only is this not true, it is a dangerous and nefarious lie. Any man and woman, if completely committed and focused, can have a growing and mutually satisfying relationship. Finding a soulmate has nothing to do with it. Instead of focusing on finding one, I would strongly suggest you be a soulmate to the spouse you already have. It’s the only healthy path to intimacy that I know.
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