Accept the Fact that You’re Average! I am often asked by couples how they compare with other couples with whom I work. It’s usually phrased as: “Are we the most messed up couple you’ve ever counseled?!” My standard answer is that every couple a counsel has serious problems that they need to deal with and that all in all they are just average. By average I don’t mean that they aren’t exceptional in some areas, I just mean that they are dealing with the same issues that all couples who are serious about have a good marriage deal with. Some of those issues would include factors like the differences that attracted you to one another initially have a tendency to become annoying in marriage. Opposites attract but they also attack. Another is that there will always be drama or looming drama in your relationship. Life seldom runs as smoothly as we had hoped, and difficulties always challenge marriages. A third reality is that children always change your marriage. As much as we love and care for them, those kids at the very best take a lot of time to deal with, and at the most challenging times they can break our hearts. Two more issues we all have in common is that money and work will be constant issues that will cause spouses to deal with different opinions and expectations. After thirty-six years of marriage, these areas still cause a good amount of stress in my relationship with my wife. So in light of these challenges I encourage couples to embrace two truths: first, expect attack and second, have a plan. If difficulties catch you by surprise, then you haven’t done your historical homework. In the well-known words of M. Scott Peck, “Life is difficult.” So don’t be surprised when this truth spills over into your marriage. Your plan to deal with these issues requires time and focus. Spend intentional time together and address the issues and potential issues you have. If you have difficulties or get stuck, seek professional help to get you over whatever hurdles you face. Accepting the fact that you’re “average” will help you better deal with the problems that confront every married couple!
Try this …»