Looking Inward

Continued from page 2

Do you, or divorcees you've talked to, ever regret having gotten married in the first place?
I think a spiritual divorce is a journey. It's the process of really embracing the gifts of our marriage. It's when we're at a moment of choice when we really see these are the lessons I learned from our time together. If I honor these lessons I automatically value myself in whatever way. If I feel blame and regret toward my past, I'm tied to my past. So to be in the presence of the gifts of your marriage is to undertake a spiritual divorce.

What are some of the gifts of your marriage?
I have a child--if that was the only thing I ever got, that would be a dance to celebrate every day. I also received self-awareness. I can actually look at things from another person's perspective now. Co-parenting is a great platform for learning how to dance in a rhythm with another person who's very different from you. So I've learned how to give, I've learned how to take time, and I've learned to look at what's in the best interest of the three of us rather than what's in my best interest. What a gift that is.

One thing that I'm sure of is if we take the road of anger and resentment and guilt and negative feelings, we give them all the power. If you want to give your life up to your ex-husband, then hold on to those feelings.

How does a person begin to let go of those feelings and approach their divorce from a spiritual perspective?
Take the finger that's pointing out at the other person and turn it on yourself. What happens in marriages and why they fall apart so easily is that we're so outwardly focused. If we realize that it's our pain, our buttons being pushed, then we can heal those buttons.