Four Keys to a Spiritual Marriage
Spiritual tools to support your marriage along its journey.
Jerry and Ruth had been married for 12 years when they first came to see us for counseling. With three bright and happy children, a beautiful Victorian house in a quiet neighborhood, and what they described as a basically good marriage, Jerry and Ruth should have been the epitome of a happy couple.
"Jerry is a good man," Ruth told us. "I know he loves me and the children. I feel guilty for saying this, but something is missing. All we do is work and raise the kids. We don't really connect. I almost don't see the point in being married anymore."
Jerry also felt strain in their marriage, but he attributed it to the time and energy required by his growing business. "I feel terrible that I'm not making Ruth happy," he said, "but I'm not sure how to fill the void she describes. Honestly, the whole thing scares me."
Jerry and Ruth are not alone. Many couples feel this nagging emptiness, and they search for ways to make it go away. Maybe a romantic cruise would help, or a new house. Some look to therapy to learn communication skills.
But the reality is that romance can fail you. So can money, words, and even love. All these things are sometimes not enough, because what's missing in many marriages today goes deeper. As human beings, we have a need for meaning in our lives.
What is the solution? We believe the answer lies in building and maintaining a bond of love, but not just any kind of love. What's required is a love embedded deep within a spiritual framework, a framework that gives meaning to the marriage.
In essence, what's needed is a belief that your relationship is not only special, but sacred; a conviction that your relationship is a vehicle for healing and growth; and an acceptance that your relationship is exactly where it needs to be at any given moment.
Our practice has given us insight into some of the keys to creating a spiritually alive marriage.
We often ask couples to recall the development of their relationship. Even those on the brink of divorce usually smile and tell us in great detail how they met and fell in love.
Every couple's story is a unique spiritual drama that provides a richly textured backdrop of meaning to married life. Perhaps you overcame great odds to be together. Perhaps you fell in love quickly, amazed that someone could understand you so thoroughly. Maybe you came from backgrounds full of pain and were surprised to be nurtured by someone.