What's Wrong With Sex These Days?
Sex is supposed to sew two adults together so that they become one flesh. As the closest two human beings can physically come, it's the highest form of connection. So why are we seeing a kind of sexual and sensual disconnect, before, during, and after lovemaking? Why has sex become so dissatisfying to so many people?
One of the measuring rods (no pun intended) to prove that sex is losing its potency are studies showing that sex in marriage occurs, on average, twice a week and lasts seven and a half minutes. That's about 15 minutes of sex a week. (I recently repeated this statistic to one of my married friends, who looked at me and said, "Whoare
these supermen?") When the postcoital cigarette lasts longer than the act of lovemaking, something is seriously wrong.
Furthermore, women always complain about the before-and-after effect of sex on their men. One moment he's panting and swearing that he loves you, he's never going to leave you, he's going to marry you. Then, the moment he's finished, heis
finished. That's why these days, when the average husband looks at his wife and says, "Honey, how about a quickie tonight?" she looks back at him and says, "As opposed towhat
The reason this is happening at such an alarming rate is that sensuality is being drained from sex. G-d gave men and women five connecting points, five sticky points, through which we connect in order to become one. These five sticky points are the five senses. We're meant to make love with our hands, our eyes, our nose, our ears, and our mouths.
The problem today is that today we're making love mostly with our eyes, emphasizing the visual over all the other senses. We work out at gyms to make our bodies more attractive, but we're firing on only one cylinder, connecting through only one sticky point. A generation that's profoundly unsensual is having really bad sex.
Take a look at erotic French literature of the 18th century, and you'll see a greater emphasis on a woman's natural fragrance than on her looks. Napoleon writes to Josephine just after the Italian campaign and the battle of Marengo, "I'll be home in three days--don't bathe." Reading this today, many of us would shake our heads in disgust. A lot of men expect their women not only to look like a Barbie Doll but also to smell like one--the erotic fragrance of shrink-wrap.