Healing from Rejection and Other Painful Emotions
Because women are wired to be relational, the pain we feel when we are rejected by a loved one can be unbearable.
Reprinted with permission from Amistad, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers
Before we can get to the glory years of marriage, we must persevere through the gory years of marriage. The emotional junk we unwittingly bring into our marriages will guarantee us some gory years.
When we feel deeply in love, especially when we are dating, or in the honeymoon phase of our marriage, many of our painful emotions seem to have disappeared. That “in love” feeling is like balm in Gilead. When we’re in love, we feel like Lauryn Hill in that song “Nothing Even Matters.” Being in love makes us feel brand-new. We have met our mate, and his love affirms us in ways we never imagined. We are so excited about hearing from him, seeing him, being with him every day, nothing else matters. Whatever negative emotions we were feeling before he came gallivanting into our life seem to have vanished with the wind. We feel better than we ever felt before. We forget about all those negative emotions—until they come back to the surface for us to finally resolve them.
Marriage will not erase all those negative emotions. In fact, marriage may be the vehicle through which you finally are delivered. In marriage we are forced to deal with those negative emotions and to seek healing. If we had issues of fear, abandonment, and/or rejection before we fell in love, those issues will come up again in our marriage. Those issues may even be compounded by marriage, because now we’ve got someone up close and personal witnessing what we are dealing with and calling us to account for it.
Early in my marriage, I sometimes felt neglected, believing Creflo was spending too much of his time in the ministry. I would often become upset with Creflo because I didn’t feel that I was as important to him as I should have been. I didn’t understand why he was so ambitious about developing the ministry and so forth. During my first pregnancy, and right before delivery, he was traveling all around the world, a time when I thought he should have been at home with me, holding my hand. He wasn’t intentionally being insensitive and distant toward me, but I saw it that way because we allowed the ministry to be our world instead of God and family.