The Conversation That
Changed My Life

When I was in my thirties, I had a conversation that ignited a hidden power in me and revealed to me my life-path. My hope and intention in sharing this moment with you is that it gives you not only a story you'll enjoy but also a powerful tool you can use to make all your dreams come true.

Oddly enough, the conversation that changed my life took place at a party I didn't even want to go to. I'm not a party-person in general, and I had some personal stuff going on in the relationship realm that made me not want to be at a big, festive event. I was feeling anything but festive.

I was in the early stages of my relationship with Kathlyn. I was deeply attracted to her, but I was already feeling the early warning signs of the relationship's demise. I could feel an old familiar fear of commitment stirring within me. It was a fear that filled my mind with doubt and caused me to look for things to criticize about her. I was achingly familiar with this pattern; it had caused the deterioration of several relationships in my past. I would get involved with someone, then about six months into the relationship I would start to pull back, usually just about the time the woman wanted me to make a deeper commitment.

Kathlyn was relatively new in town and wanted to go to the party so she could meet people. I had agreed to take her, and I didn't want to face her reaction if I changed my mind. That was another pattern of mine: To do something I didn't want to do in order to avoid the unpleasantness of the other person's disappointment or anger. Finally I decided to put aside my resistance and fulfill my obligation. I suited up, rehearsed my party-smile, and marched forth into the cold November night. Little did I know I was about to have a conversation that would change my life forever.

After an hour or so I was getting tired of being convivial and participating in party-chatter. To get out of the fray, I sidled into a quiet den that was lined with bookshelves. There I found another "escapee" who was browsing books on the shelves, a tall fellow with a shaven head, about sixty years of age. We greeted each other and exchanged names. He said he'd gotten tired of small-talk and was taking a breather.

I told him I felt exactly the same way.

That's when the conversation shifted into a new dimension.

"Well, since we're here and we don't like small talk, let's not have any," he said.

"Done deal," I said, thinking our interaction was over.

Instead, he said "Then let's either have some Big Talk or no talk at all."

I took a deep breath and plunged into the unknown. I told him I was up for some Big Talk.

Right away he offered a piece of information that definitely qualified as Big Talk. He said he'd had a near-death experience, but that it turned out to be possibly the greatest experience of his life. He said that through the experience he had received the gift of a profound question.

I asked him to tell me more.

He told me the details weren't important, but he offered to ask me the question that had come out of the experience.

"It's big," he said, "Are you absolutely certain you want it?"

I could feel the icicle-butterfly sensations of fear in my stomach, but I could also feel a heightened sense of excitement and alertness all over me.

"Yes," I said.

"Okay," he said, "Imagine you're on your deathbed."

I gulped. "Okay."

He said it might be today or tomorrow or fifty years from now, but whenever it was, imagine that he came to visit me on my deathbed.

He asked me to picture him standing beside the bed, telling me goodbye. From this perspective, he said, ask yourself this question:

"Was your life a complete success?"

Continued on page 2: Turning your wish into a goal... »