Surrounded by Love

A new mom suffering from postpartum depression is comforted by a 'soft light.'

After my first child was born, I was completely overwhelmed by my new responsibilities as a mom. That quickly gave way to what would become postpartum depression.

Fortunately, I had the loving support of my husband, and my mother came to stay with us while we adjusted to our new circumstances. Even though I kept reassuring myself that I "had it good," I could not shake the feeling of being under a black cloud. I was certain that if someone found out how I felt, they would come and take away my beautiful baby boy.

I confessed to my mom how I was feeling, and she did her best to brighten the atmosphere in our home. However, it was to no avail--before long, I didn't even want to get out of bed.

Finally, one night when I was at my very worst, I called the hospital where I'd given birth and talked to a nurse who was the first to suggest I might be suffering from "baby blues" or postpartum depression. She pleaded with me to call my OB/GYN first thing in the morning, which I did.

Because I had a history of panic disorder, my OB/GYN suggested I call the psychiatrist who had treated me previously for anxiety. Right away, the psychiatrist phoned my pharmacy with a prescription for an anti-depressant and made an appointment for me to see him in the next couple of days. Even though I still felt like I was on a sinking ship, it seemed as if the Coast Guard was on its way and I'd be out of rough waters soon.

That afternoon, I napped in my room with my son asleep in the crib at the foot of my bed. After about an hour, something woke me up. I opened my eyes and thought for a moment that I was still half-asleep--because hovering near me was a soft light that seemed to be reaching forth to embrace me. It startled me so much that I lay very still and became aware of a peaceful feeling. Looking toward the crib, I noticed about four to six of the soft lights hovering over it and appearing to lift the crib a few inches above the floor.

I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and a feeling that things were indeed going to take a turn for the better.

In this state, I fell asleep, and when I woke, I remembered what had happened. Had it been a dream? I really don't think so. Now, if this were a movie, I would have been feeling light and airy without even a hint of the depressed feeling I’d had before. However, I still felt gloomy, but at the same time a bit more hopeful.
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Kim Poulton
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