Goldie: Buddhist, Jew, Jesus Freak

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But I didn't want my children to experience this negativity because it wasn't theirs to experience. And I witnessed a lot of mothers speaking against the fathers of their children and no matter what you go through, there was something that ran up my spine and an inner voice would say, "Wait a minute, are you doing this for you so you have allies, or are you doing this for them? Because if you're doing this for them, you're destroying them. Because no matter what you feel about this man, they will always love him."

When I went through my issues in regards to that, as hard as it was, I made sure I didn't speak badly about him. In fact, when my son Oliver was little I wrote him a letter because he needs to know why I fell in love with his father (Bill Hudson). And I told him everything that was beautiful about his father, that he made me laugh, that he was fun, that he was a great dad when he was there, that he had talent and an ability to create things out of nothing. I just felt that he needed to know the value of his father, because children identify with their parents no matter how bad they are. So if you have left your husband or your husband has left you, bypass your anger; try to understand it, for yourself, and deal with it-but don't transfer it to your children.

Tell me about your first meeting, and what sounds like an immediate and intense connection, with Kurt Russell. Did it feel like spiritual experience?

No, not at all. When I first met Kurt, he came in to audition for "Swing Shift," one of many guys who came through that door. He'd just come off "Silkwood" which is a really good movie and he really did not want to read. He said, "I'm a terrible reader but I would like to meet you" and we sat down with the director. We had similar friends and coincidental experiences. His mother was the person I went to when I got my first job at Disney when I was a dancer. His two best friends were two guys in the industry (first assistant directors) whom I also was friends with. And I loved who he was. He was so real. And so basic. And completely at ease with himself. And I will say he was definitely my type, physically. But that's not what hit me. What hit me was his comfort with himself. His ability to be so honest-and he wasn't womanizing at all. He was like a buddy, and I thought, "God this guy is so cute and he's got no stuff." It didn't have that "Oh my God I can't wait, oh my heart's pounding, oh I'm sweating under my arms" feel about it. And all I can say is, watch out for those signs because they are a sure disaster. (Laughs)

But you did jump him. (Laughs)

I did jump him.

I love that story.

But not until we started working together, and I started building this connection to him. Watching him with my children. Watching how he worked. Watching how he approached his job. Watching how he approached his own son out of his broken marriage. Seeing this incredible parent, this love, this inner stability-and then he was so damn handsome and so cute and so everything that it all rolled up into one moment after our very first date.

How long did that take, to get to the first date?

Hmmm.it could have taken 2 weeks, 3 weeks, something like that. And it was a date with the pretension to go out to learn to dance and do the jitterbug, which we didn't even have to do in the movie. He ended up taking me to the Playboy Club, which had a big band but no dancing. And we talked and talked and talked and talked and talked and then when the night was over, we had nowhere to go. I was living in my mother's apartment because my house had been flooded at the beach and my new house being remodeled. He was living with his sister because-

Wait, a minute, aren't you guys movie stars?

Exactly! We had no place to go-it was a riot. So we then said, "What do we do now?" Everything was closing. We thought, "Well, we could get a beer and go up to Mulholland Drive or something." And I said, "You know, why don't I show you my new house? I'm redoing it, but I'll show you where I live." I walked in through the back door, and then I got so excited that I jumped on his back like a kid and said, "Isn't this great?!"

Goldie on making love

He just was blown away. It was like I was attacking him. Then we went upstairs and I showed him the whole house--we walked around and and we're in the bedroom and it was dark-and that was it. We just, in that moment in time, had the most beautiful lovemaking experience-and as fate would have it, in the exact same spot as our bed was when we conceived (our son) Wyatt.

And after it was finished we went and sat on the top steps, the two of us, and I said, "Well, let's pretend we live here now and what would we do? What would be the first move after the act of love?" And he said, "I think I would go downstairs and get some cookies." And I said, "Me too." At which point the police came because I had broken into the house. I guess the alarm went off, or something triggered it-it was a silent alarm. The police came in and saw us sitting there, me with my jeans half-zipped up and I looked down and said, "Oh, this is my house." And then the police said, "Oh Goldie, we didn't know you were here." I said, "I'm just showing him around." I was so embarrassed!

I'll bet they were more embarrassed.

I'm sure they were. Anyway, they were awfully cute and they left. We didn't want to leave each other, and at the end of the next day we ended up checking into the Holiday Inn. We just checked in to the Holiday Inn. The whole thing was just too much fun. And then when I had to leave that weekend, he dropped me off back at my mom's.

How old were your kids then?

Katie was three and Oliver was five.

What I thought was that I would never find a man who loved my children as much as I did. And I actually did--my prayers were answered.

Does Kurt have a spiritual practice?

His is being out in nature. He can sit out and look at the lake for hours. It's an interesting mind; it's not very tumultuous.

So do you have an "interfaith" relationship?

Goldie on Kurt Russell's spirituality

He respects mine and I respect his-but there again, that's not important because you realize it's all a subjective belief system. I don't think "Well, I can't be with somebody who doesn't believe what I do, or I can't share my spirituality." Your spirituality is shared by your actions and your interconnectedness with your family and everybody else. It's not conceptual. What's going to make you whole is your self-reflection and examination of yourself.

I guess if he has such tranquil mind, then your need to search is a probably a good match.

It is a good match. I've often thought about it. What if Kurt was a guy who was spiritual and was always searching? I would probably go mad!

You've talked about your car accident and near-death at age 19 which, you say, gave you a destiny because you believe you were sent back from the other side. What do you think your destiny is?

Goldie on her destiny

What I'm learning is it doesn't matter any longer what celebrity you have, it's what you do that matters. So I would say that for the rest of my life, everything I do has to be with a mode of ethics, good intentions, for a better result for the people closest to me and to the world around me. I'm learning that it doesn't matter who you are, but that particular intention can help change one person, your family, your community, your schools, all of these things-and when you do put this out, great changes happen. It's not overnight and you can't expect quick results. It may not shift to our whole dream in this lifetime, maybe not even in the next lifetime, but if you stop believing that you can make a difference, then you're not doing a service to our future.

So, I guess it's taking yourself out of yourself and the "woe is me" and the "mea culpa" and "why me." Take the "me" out of it for a minute and go up that 100,000 feet up and look down, and say, "I'm just a tiny part of this wheel, but I know that if I can just spread the light out, I'll make a difference."

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