Happiness Comes to Those Who Don't Wait

Not too long ago, I called my friend Carol to wish her a happy birthday. Carol is one of those friends I think of as "having it all." You know what I mean: 20 years of marriage with a great husband; three smart, healthy, attractive children; a summer house in Vermont; and a full time job as a speechwriter - working from her home office, with a view of the backyard and surrounding trees.

But the question she asked me on her birthday was, "Why am I so miserable?"

Now, my first reaction was the semi-jealous thought: "If I had everything you have, I would be thrilled!" But she's an old friend, so I asked her what was wrong.

Her first answer was "Nothing." But the more she talked, the more I heard about the incredible number of obligations and commitments she has to fulfill, from work deadlines to helping fund college tuitions.

"I don't have time to take a walk, " she said. "I don't know when I exercised last."

And I had a strange epiphany.

Being single, I keep thinking that all I want is a commitment (to the right man, of course) - but here Carol had so many commitments to others that she didn't have an ounce of time or energy left over. As I mused over the irony, it hit me that single or coupled, what we both needed to do was commit to our own happiness.

By the end of the conversation I was urging Carol to make one more commitment - to herself - for a daily walk in the woods behind her office. I hung up, realizing that being single wasn't so awful and that longing for marriage was depriving me of living in the present moment.

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