An Alzheimer's Support Group

I did not need to be entertained or have my time more occupied than it was, nor did I feel the social need to be among my spousal peers. I joined to hear the experiences of other caregivers, and in trade for theirs I expected to disclose some of mine.

Strangers though we may be, knowledge of what it is to live with Alzheimer's in the house tends to make us easy with each other. It is different here from with friends who ask, "How are things going?" and wait a little longer for an answer than from "Hello, how are you?"

"I'm glad you asked" is not a good answer to friends; we don't want to take advantage of courteous questions. The situation is marginally uncomfortable, like first words to the bereaved. A given of Alz is that things are no better than yesterday; concern is sufficiently acquitted in the asking. "Level" is a good answer.

Do you really want to know--do I really want to tell you?--that Stella pulled the bedroom window shades off their brackets, some off their rollers? She must have been puzzled when the first one kept coming until it fell around her and she went on to the next window, sensing wrong, trying to get to a place where the process would end. She didn't call for help. I thought she acted strangely when she came from the bedroom hall, as if she had something to say but didn't have the words.

Stella had just been obliged to go off her first medication and was waiting for her liver to clean up before going into the clinical trial. Her slide seemed to be accelerating. She came into the sitting room and simply stood, looking in a way familiar to me when she was puzzled about what to do next. "Stell, is there something I can do for you?"

It wasn't the best way to ask; I had begun to learn that choosing is something an Alz doesn't do well, especially abstract choosing. A choice between a baked apple and a brownie on the table can be made; between only the words that represent them, choice is difficult but possible. To make an unprompted choice, however, in a world of possibilities--anything I can do for you-- without even multiple-choice answers to select from, maybe too much.

The open-ended question establishes only that we are in question-and-answer mode. It means Are you ready? Here comes the question: "Would you like a glass of orange juice?" She said, "I would like that."

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