Saying a Traditional Good-Bye

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Ancient seers, we are told, prescribed these specific mantras and rituals to help the grieving family heal. It is for the same reason that they recommended a suspension of normal prayer. When the mind is clouded with grief, it is hard to approach God. Yet, paradoxically it is only prayer that helps overcome such grief and helps the living kinsfolk carry on. So we pray for the dead soul. We light an oil lamp beside the dead body and leave it on overnight. We invite groups of women who chant the thevaram and other religious texts. We follow a prescribed diet.

I've often wondered if such rituals are meaningful or even necessary. After a Hindu death, the whole family gets caught up in a variety of elaborate detailed tasks that involve buying rice, making rice balls, drying grass, creating a 'havan' with bricks and fire, making ghee. All of these focus the mind on the death and yet distract from it somehow. Grief becomes the subtext, as the whole family gets into "being a good Hindu" mode. All this activity, I am convinced, helps the individual and the family cope with a loss. By immersing yourself in action, you are pushing thought into the subconscious and allowing yourself to heal.

Most Hindu families engage in these death rituals for about 12 days. The first 3 days following death are the most intense with specific rituals intended to elevate the recently dead to the status of a beloved ancestor. Rice balls specked with black sesame seeds are offered on a banana leaf. Although Indian food is heavily spiced, the food following death is less so: pepper and salt are pretty much the only spices used. Similarly, only indigenous vegetables such as plantain, yam and long beans are used for cooking. This shraddha diet is an acquired taste, I have to say.

Ayurveda, a branch of Hindu philosophy, divides all food into the categories satvic, rajasic, and tamasic, according to the food's quality. Rajasic food, such as onions and garlic, are aggravating; they stir the body into action and are to be eaten by warriors--or, action-oriented people. Tamasic food, such as rich oily pilafs and thick sauces, are enervating and promoted inertia. They make you sleepy. Satvic food, such as rice and vegetables, is light and balancing. Brahmin scholars eat them to keep the mind alert and limber.

Most Hindu rituals--including the ones surrounding death--prescribe satvic food. As children, we hated the simply spiced recipes made with mostly bitter and root vegetables. It is only as an adult that I appreciate its satvic qualities.

One change that has come about in recent years is the number of women who participate in funeral rites. In the past, women weren't allowed into the cremation-ground and had little to do with the actual rites themselves. It is only recently, with the rise in electric crematoriums, that women have actually been able to press the button to cremate a parent--pushing the button itself being a new rite brought about by the introduction of electric crematoriums.

Auspicious signs
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