Breathe In, Breathe Out

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I have not learned to move past the "why" questions. But I ask "how" questions too:

When I am directly confronted with intolerance and bigotry, what is my duty? What is my duty as a spiritual human being? What is my duty as a member of this society? How should I act in order to be a patriot?

Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Gandhi were all patriots. They were spiritual men, but they were not focused only on the esoteric; they had political agendas. Jesus had a political agenda. In an almost Marxist move, Jesus brought prostitutes and intellectuals to the same table to share meals. And Buddha, before and after he found enlightenment, was a prince. In fact, he found enlightenment only after he had walked through his own oppressed, poverty-stricken kingdom.

If you cannot find enlightenment here,

in this moment, in this oppressed culture stricken with poverty-of-the-spirit, then do not expect to find it in a monastery, on top of a mountain, or deep within meditation. Meditation, after all is just sitting, breathing.

People say, "Well if it bothers you, you could do things differently. You don't have to hold your girlfriend's hand in public. You could dress differently. You could grow your hair out.

Before I came out of the closet, I used to check myself in the mirror every morning before I went out to make sure I didn't look too masculine. I wouldn't wear tank tops because they revealed my broad, muscular shoulders. And if I wore baggy pants that covered the curves of my hips, I would wear a tighter shirt to make the curves of my chest visible. I thought I was painting for the world the picture I wanted to see, but really, I was always in a state of hiding, a state of self-protection. I couldn't meet the eyes of strangers. I feared their judgment.

But what it took me years to realize was that my hiding was a version of dishonesty, and the fear of judgment was just another way to feed my ego, my false belief that the universe revolves around me. In "Training the Mind," an examination of Tibetan Buddhist teachings, author Chögyam Trungpa makes this statement: "We are not particularly seeking enlightenment or the simple experience of tranquility--we are trying to get over our deception."

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