Guarding the Tongue

A few years ago, I went through an estrangement with a close friend because of the words I used to refer to her partner's behavior. Although he did not hear what she and I said in our phone conversation, by "chance" he saw my e-mail that followed it. I meant no harm. I thought I was being supportive of my friend. But it was careless speech on my part, and it has cost me dearly.

The painful repercussions of my experience awoke me to a simple fact. While I had been careful in watching the movement of breath in meditation, I had not been as attentive in watching the words coming out of my mouth. I'd neglected an essential aspect of spiritual practice--"guarding the tongue."

"More people get hurt by gossip than by guns." --Zen teacher Robert Aitken

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin relates a memorable story about the unrecognized power of words and the irrevocable damage they can wreck. There was a man in a small Eastern European community who went about maligning the town's rabbi. When he was suddenly filled with remorse, he pleaded with the rabbi to forgive him. He was willing to endure whatever penance necessary to atone his wrong. The rabbi instructed him to take a down pillow from his home, slash it open, and scatter the contents to the wind.

He did this and went back to the rabbi to ask whether he was forgiven. The rabbi said, "Not yet." There was one more thing the man had to do: Gather all the scattered feathers. Aghast, the man said, "How can I possibly do that? The wind has already blown them away in every direction." The rabbi replied, "Exactly. Though you sincerely want to erase the transgression you've committed, it's as impossible to fix the harm you've done as it is to recover those feathers."

Continued on page 2: »