'There's Something Fierce in the Heart of a Woman'
John and Stasi Eldredge, co-authors of 'Captivating,' explain what women want.
BY: Interview by Laura Sheahen
In 2001, John Eldredge's book "Wild at Heart" explored the inner life of Christian men--and became a bestseller. Now, he and his wife Stasi have teamed up to write "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul." The couple sat down with Beliefnet to talk about warrior princesses, men who won't commit, and how the devil is the villain in every woman's life story.
Comparing "Captivating" and John's earlier book about men, "Wild at Heart," how are the desires of men and women similar and different?
Well, they are very similar, what a man desires and what a woman desires, and they fit together really well.
And yet, they're distinctly masculine and distinctly feminine. In fact, in "Wild at Heart," I said every man wants a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. And in "Captivating"-
-every woman wants to be romanced; every woman wants to play an irreplaceable role in a heroic adventure, not just to be useful but to be irreplaceable; and every woman longs to have a beauty that's all her own to unveil, both an external beauty and an internal beauty as well. To be the beauty and to offer beauty.
There are a lot of other similarities too. Our hearts are both wounded and those wounds shape us into the men or women that we become.
"Wild at Heart" says every man wants a beauty to rescue. And in "Captivating," it says that little girls often play games about being rescued. Some feminists are against the idea of passive women who want to be rescued. What is your response?
I think there are days when every woman on the planet Earth would love to have a man come up on a white horse and whisk her away. But that's not the reality of our lives, and women are not victims. We're not weak women saying, "Rescue me, I can't handle my life."
As a woman, your job is not to be passive, but to become all the woman that you are meant to be, to play your irreplaceable role. Don't diminish the vulnerability in you, which is a lovely and needed part of being a woman.
Women can be very strong and they can be valiant; that's why we have a chapter on warrior princesses. But one of the essential qualities of femininity is vulnerability. When a woman forsakes her vulnerability because she's been hurt or because she lives in a dangerous world or doesn't want to be used, she loses something essential about being a woman. And we want to encourage her, "don't do that." It takes great courage to be vulnerable. It takes enormous strength to be a real woman.
Nor are we saying that women should be vulnerable in every area of their lives and with every person.
Your book speaks in terms of pursuing and being pursued. In society today, it's not always a given that men are pursuers-or want to be. Where does this leave women?
That passivity on the part of men is not a good thing. That's wounded masculinity, and that's why "Wild at Heart" is trying to get guys to take initiative. Hello, give her a call, right? Buy a ring! Make amove
One of woman's greatest powers is the power of invitation. Just by virtue of being a woman, the way she's living her life, determines what she's inviting others to. If she's a very controlling, afraid woman, she's inviting others tonot
risk anything and certainly asking them not to be vulnerable with her. If she's driven, she's inviting you to being driven. If it's done with wisdom, there's a very cunning way that a woman can arouse and lure a man to move, to become a man.
To become the pursuer?
We like the word 'seduce.'
To seduce-not only the sexual connotation of it-but seduce is to arouse and invite action by your wisdom, by your cunning, and by your femininity.
In terms of seduction-and the movies the books mention, where there's a lot of romance and adventure-how can a married mother of two toddlers running around doing chores find adventure or romance?
Our core message is, first we have to take our hearts to God. There's no other safe place in the world for them. Augustine said our hearts are restless until they find their rest into him.
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