'Christianity Is My Spiritual Home'

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And so for a number of years, I thought, what am I going to do with this? I'm living with a man who I very much love and who is an atheist and who has called Christianity "a religion for losers" and yet, I'm feeling drawn.

	Listen "Somebody in south Georgia..."

Somebody in south Georgia, a very hostile person who doesn't like me at all, said, 'Have you been saved?' And I wasn't even sure what it meant, and I kind of tap danced around it 'cause he was hostile, and I didn't want to engage. But I then came back and I asked a friend of mine what did it mean, to her? And she said, "Well, to me, it meant going the next step." Well, boy, I mean, I'm a going-the-next-stepper! If there's a next step that can be taken, I'll take it. And so she had me read the Book of John and I was-I was experiencing grace at that time.

Did you feel a divine presence?

Yes, yes. I was feeling. I was humming with reverence. I felt the presence of the Almighty very much in my body-and I wasn't having a nervous breakdown [laughs] and I wasn't spacing out, or anything like that. It was very heavy and-you know, it's hard to get the words out these days because it's so loaded politically, and it scares me to say it-but I was saved.

	Listen "And then I began to go to Bible study..."

And then I began to go to Bible study class, and it didn't take long for me to think, "Uh oh, I've made a terrible mistake, this is not for me." I started going to churches and I fled. I just fled.

Because the teachings led you to believe it was a patriarchal system?

Yeah, yeah. What I was feeling on my own was not a "Lord above." It was not-well, it certainly had nothing to do with woman being the downfall of man. You know-

You couldn't relate to the "old man in the sky" idea-

It wasn't a man in the sky! It was, it was: Come on! When we talk about-depending on how you talk about it-God, the Almighty, Sophia, a greater power, whatever-can't you understand that this is beyond gender? This is beyond anything that we can imagine. I mean, we can't even describe it. I understand why people latch onto gender things, but this is not a man. But because people have taken it so literally, it becomes gender and hence, hierarchal. And it just made my teeth grate. The more I studied, in the very kind of linear, fundamentalist way, the more I felt reverence leaking away from me.

I never ever would have gone public with this, ever. A person who had been driving me at that time (because Ted and I shared a car) went on a website and said he had brought me to Christ. And it just spread like wildfire and became front page news. I was outed, and it was just a tremendous betrayal. I never would have [gone public with this] because it was too new. And then I discovered that it wasn't what I was-I thought, this is wrong for me.

Did you stop going to Bible study?

	Listen "I went for a couple of years feeling bereft..."

Yes. Yes, I did. And I went for a couple of years feeing bereft. And I was really very sad. So now I'm on my own [in 2000 and 2001, after separating from Ted Turner] and for about a year, I'm confused. I think I've made a mistake.

And I read Elaine Pagels. I had read "The Gnostic Gospels" years before and it had really impressed me. In fact, I read it when I was first feeling God. And then I read "Beyond Belief," which is a book she came out with recently, and it had a lot of references to early Christians and Gnostic Gospels, and so I read the originals. In fact, I got the whole Nag Hammadi library and through that reading, I began to realize that I am on the right path. That Christianity is my spiritual home. This is where I'm meant to be. And that I have to discover for myself what that means.

I think feminism is another way of teaching what Jesus taught, that we are all full human beings with the right to have our humanity seen and respected.

And this is very new and so you know, it's hard for me to go into it in great detail because I'm only a few years into this journey. But I am riveted, I am fascinated with religious history, with Biblical history, with the early Gospels, with Robert Graves, King Jesus, I'm just, I can't get enough. This is a very real journey for me.

Have you been able to find a spiritual community in Atlanta that you can identify with?

I want very much to do that. I would have to say that I have been for the last five years, writing my book which means that I don't leave home very much.

I started venturing out when I finished the book last fall and discovered that there's a whole community nationwide of feminist Christians. I finished the book and then I heard about this book "Faith and Feminism" by Helen LaKelly Hunt, and now I've gotten to know her and through her, discovered that there's a lot of us out there. And it's like, "O.K., this was waiting. I needed to finish [the book] and this was waiting for me." And it's very exciting.

And of course there was Anne Lamott. When I first became a Christian, I read "Traveling Mercies" and I realized, "Oh, I'm not alone, thank you." It was this book that literally came to me by accident that was my view of what it means to be a Christian. And I gave it to my children because I said, "This is what I'm talking about" because they're just sort of horrified [laughs] with my whole process.

Did that help them understand you? Did they read it?

I don't know. I think my daughter read it because she loves Anne Lamott-so I think she did-but they just, they just don't want to deal with this trip that I'm on.

Was there one "Ah ha" moment for you?

No. It's been a journey; little baby steps. And then long about 1998, it became very vibrant and vivid for me and that's when I began to pray-and prayer, it was very powerful for me.

And you hadn't ever prayed before then?

No. I had meditated and still do. And it's different.

What kinds of things do you pray about?

	Listen "Well, a lot of times it's thanks..."

Well, a lot of times it's thanks. You know, I feel uncomfortable always asking for something [laughs]. So there's a lot of things. And I have a lot to give thanks for. But when I need an answer, or I need someone to be helped, it's always the same: my hands in prayer position and my thumbs pressed against my third eye, my forehead. I find that I need to do that. And I need to be sitting or kneeling. It's like sending up. It's like my prayer and my thoughts go from my head through my fingers upward. And I'm sending this upward and as I describe within the book, I feel "hooked up."

And then when you have questions and you're going through a difficult time, are your answers revealed to you through coincidences, or how things happen in your life?

Yes, yes.

What role did religion play in your break-up with Ted Turner? Is this why you split up?

Oh, it was one among other reasons.

When did he say that Christianity was a "religion for losers" (for which he later apologized)?

Before I met him. And you know it's funny because he ends all his speeches with "God Bless". He studied; you know, he was an altar boy. He was considering becoming a missionary. He's read the Bible cover-to-cover twice. He's been saved seven times, including twice by Billy Graham.

How does he feel now? Do you ever talk about your spirituality with him? Do you think he might change his views?

I pray for that sometimes, but I don't know what will happen. We don't talk about it much.

You seem to consider him a soul mate, and yet you don't have a spiritual connection-unless it's something that's there but he doesn't recognize as such.

I feel it in him, and I feel it blocked, and it makes me sad.

"Monster-in-Law" is your first movie in 15 years, so this is the first time you're going back to Hollywood as a Christian. Do you think it's hard to be a spiritually grounded person in that business?

I sure think it helps. I'm not sure that I would have become a Christian if I had continued to live in Hollywood because the notion wouldn't have occurred to me. I think I would have continued to identify the coincidences and the sense of being led, but in a secular way.

You mentioned that you read Helen LaKelly Hunt's book, "Faith and Feminism." Do you agree with her argument that the feminist movement needs to incorporate a spiritual element?

	Listen "I think feminism is about the spirit..."

I think it has a spiritual element. I think feminism is about the spirit. I think feminism is another way of teaching what Jesus taught, that we are all full human beings with the right to have our humanity seen and respected. That is what feminism is, and that's what Jesus taught. I just think that for too long-not in the beginning, not at all in the beginning; it was very faith-based in the beginning, the women's movement. It's become secular and I think that that's beginning to shift and I think it needs to shift.