How to Be a More Spiritual Lover
Six ways to enhance the spirit of your
BY: Gina Ogden
Sometimes the sex-spirit connection just happens, like a puff of wind blown in by the Good Witch of the North. You can't always depend on the winds, but there are numerous ways you can connect sex and spirit—and help your marriage sing, right from the beginning. If you find it difficult to bring up the subject, highlight the suggestions you like and ask your partner to read them.
Practice safety as erotic foreplay
Safety is important for all of us, and it's crucial if you have a history of hurt or abuse. Wounds of the body are also wounds of the spirit. All the internal armor you had to develop in order to survive the past may prevent you from feeling a full range of pleasure now, and keep you from connecting sex with spirit.
Physical safety is necessary to prevent sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancy. But most women need emotional and spiritual safety as well. You may need to hear soft words and feel soft hands—reassurance and tenderness, prayer and meditation. You may need to exorcise the spirits of your abusers from the bedroom—poof! You may need to re-connect with rebellious parts of yourself—like the little kid who's kicking and screaming at the idea of any sex at all. Give her a fun job, like playing with the massage oil. She may make a mess but she'll keep herself entertained so the rest of you can focus deeply on connecting with your self and your partner.
Above all, accept your own needs for safe passage. Safety isn't just an avoidance mechanism to put off engaging in intercourse. It's necessary to help you build energy, allow more desire and pleasure into your life, and connect with spirit.
Make time, set the stage, and follow your bliss
It takes time to set the stage for spirit—this is not a "quickie," at least at first. You can strew your space with flowers to bring in the nature spirits. You can light candles and incense to bring in the fires of mystery and passion. You can fix special food and drink to whet your sensual appetites. You can sing, dance, play music, whisper words of love and comfort. Certainly you can exchange touch. These may sound like cliché props for the "hot summer nights" issue of a glossy magazine. But they're much more. Using flowers, candles, incense and all the rest of these practices are also time-honored parts of spiritual and religious ritual.
Speak your heart
Almost all ISIS women agree that sharing deep feelings is essential for sexual satisfaction. You may need to laugh, cry, and break with your good-girl training by speaking up for what you want. It's important to be clear about how you communicate, even when messages come directly from your soul. So follow these ground rules to make sure your deep sharing leads you where you want to go.
• Use "I" statements: "I feel." "I want." "I am...."
• Keep it positive. Offer liberal appreciation and praise—to yourself, to your partner, to the cosmos.
• Accept all appreciation and praise that comes to you (this can be tough for women who've been taught to put themselves down, but get used to it. It's time to learn to tough it out).
• Keep it simple. Too much talk gets in the way of feeling and being. Remember that useful phrase, "Talk does not boil rice."
• Listen to your partner. Erotic connection is always a two-way street.