Judging the Judges

: Oh Lord! In the name of Jesus and all that is righteous and good, I beg you to answer my prayers.

: Okay, okay. I heaaaaar you! Who's there?

: Lord, is that you? The King of Kings and Lord of Lords? The God of eternal judgment and everlasting mercy? The Host of Heaven, who sees all, knows all, and hears all prayers?

: I am what I am, as the Good Book says.

: Lord, I believe that's "I Am Who Am."

God: Whatever. I just got back from vacation. What can I do you for?

Robertson: Well, Lord, I've been trying desperately to reach you for the past month or so..

God: I told you, I've been away. I was visiting the saints: St. John and St. Thomas, and I then sailed over to St. Martin and St. Barts, and then down to St. Lucia ..

Robertson: That's wonderful, God, but we need you back here at home.

God: Home?

Robertson: Here in America, you know, the "city upon a hill"? We've got a crisis that needs immediate divine intervention.

God: Heavens! Is it a plague?

Robertson: No, Lord, worse. It's a moral crisis.

God: Oh, I see. Is Disney World sponsoring another "Gay Days"? I've told you, I don't mind keeping the rain away from church picnics, but I'm not going to rough up Orlando over a few rainbow flags.

Robertson: I'm still a little sore about that, Lord, since you mention it. I warned Disney World that if they welcomed homosexuals, then Orlando could expect the kind of hurricanes, tornadoes, meteors and terrorist bombs that gays typically bring about. But you did nothing, which kind of makes me look bad, Lord.

God: When did I ever?

Robertson: Well, there was Sodom, Lord. That's where we get the word sodomy, after all. And you diverted that hurricane's path from my headquarters in Virginia Beach straight into Fire Island that time.

God: I had taken a condo in Virginia Beach that week. Fire Island was just an unlucky bounce.

Robertson: You nearly wiped out San Francisco with that earthquake in 1906. It was just a hundred years too early.

God: Look, I'm out of the city-destroying business. Everytime I do that recently, the Mob makes a killing on the reconstruction contracts.

Robertson: I'm not asking for a city. It's just a few people we need out of the way. The Supreme Court justices have taken another step toward turning America into Sodom, and I'm trying to stop them in their tracks.

God: What's the Supreme Court? Sounds like something I, the Supreme Being, should join..

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