Verbally Attacking Your Partner

Constantly saying things like “you always,” “you should have,” or “you never” can really cause your marriage to breakdown. No one always or never does anything. These phrases will make your partner defensive and closed off from your message, which is a really bad thing because you are likely using one of these phrases when you have something important to say. Your significant other doesn’t see themselves as one-dimensional, so you shouldn’t attempt to define them that way. Instead, simply point out what the other person did that’s a problem for you. Stick to the facts. If the issue is showing up a lot, you can always say, “It seems like you do this often,” or “You do this often enough for me to notice.” Don’t start a conversation off by accusing your partner. Give them the opportunity to speak on the issue.

Marriage takes work and need special care and attention. You and your partner have to be committed to speaking to each other with love and kindness, with the other person’s needs always in mind. If your partner doesn’t feel respected or appreciate in the marriage, it is unlikely that they will truly listen to you or try to meet your needs. If you are hurt by something your spouse said or didn’t say or something your spouse did or didn’t do, you must talk about the situation and hurt in order to save your marriage.