Statistics show that more and more marriages are failing, and many people are not even attempting marriage at all for fear of failure. While we may be tempted to think that Christians are outside of these realities, the sad truth is that even Christians have been impacted by the changing culture of marriage in today's world.
Some of this is a result of our ignorance about marriage and our belief in certain myths about Christian marriage. A true understanding of these common mistakes can prevent our marriages from becoming just another statistic.
Myth #1: "If we love each other, marriage will be easy."
The world continually depicts romantic and sensual love through movies, books, and social media. It can be easy to be lured by the idea that "true love" lasts forever on its own. This is similar to saying that our bodies can continue to function well if we love them. Most of us recognize that loving our bodies means feeding them well, exercising them, and taking some hard work and precautions to stay healthy.
The same is true for marriage. Emotional love can only take you so far. You need to be prepared to feed your marriage with loving actions, intentional conversations, and godly wisdom. You need to practice loving one another intentionally, and you need to set up safeguards to prevent temptations or bitterness from entering the marriage. This all requires work.
You will need to talk, pray, read the Bible or strong biblical books on marriage, and seek counsel and mentors to aid you in your marriage. Being realistic about these requirements does not diminish the emotional love you have for one another; rather, it proves it. Be proactive in your relationship and watch your love flourish.
Myth #2: "Disagreements mean we have a bad marriage."
The world uses compatibility tests and "matching" with the help of computer intelligence to prove that couples will have successful relationships. Believing that getting along and agreeing on all things equals a healthy marriage will leave you confused when disagreements arise. You may be tempted to believe that something has gone wrong or that you are with the wrong person. Scripture tells of the conflict that will arise between married couples back in Genesis. When two sinners join their lives together, there is bound to be trouble.
Accepting and preparing for this reality will better equip you to handle conflict when it comes. Then, like a refining fire, your marriage will grow stronger as you handle disagreements biblically when they come. Working through hardships will ultimately unite you rather than divide you if you see them as opportunities for growth and for the gospel to be applied in your lives.
Myth #3: "Marriage will fulfill us."
One of the reasons that so many marriages today are failing is that people enter them with a self-seeking attitude. They are looking for someone to make them happy, and they see marriage as an accomplishment, a sign that they have made it. There is so much emphasis on marriage making them happy that they are devastated when it doesn't and when they aren't completely content. They then conclude that it is the marriage's fault, their spouse's fault, or that marriage is pointless. The issue is that they missed the point.
Marriage is not designed for our fulfillment but as a tool for glorifying God, spreading the gospel, and sanctifying us. Believing that marriage will fulfill us is ultimately holding marriage up as an idol. The only thing that can fulfill us is Christ. Once we realize that, we can take the pressure off of our marriage and our spouse. Our expectations will be more biblical, and the marriage will be better.
Myth #4: "We can live together separately."
So many people today are married on paper but are not truly living as one. Separate jobs, hobbies, friend groups, and activities continually pull them apart. A desire for self-fulfillment or being "their own person" keeps the couples separated in too many areas, which ultimately drives them apart.
Marriage was designed as a union and is described as two becoming one. This is wisdom. The more united your lives are, the less distance there will be, the more similarity of thought will be developed, and the fewer opportunities for temptation will arise. Couples should always be moving toward Christ together. As they do so, their bond will deepen, their ideas will align, and even their interests may collide. This may involve participating in an activity that your spouse loves, but that is not your favorite. The joy comes from knowing that your spouse is happy. Committing to marriage means committing to a life lived together.
Myth #5: "Intimacy is just a bonus."
The world says that intimacy can happen between anyone. Some Christians fall into that lie, and others stick to saving themselves for marriage and looking at intimacy as a fun perk they will get to enjoy once they are married. When viewed as a bonus, intimacy won't be approached through a biblical lens. This can lead to disappointing sex, unmet expectations, and even temptation in marriage. A biblical understanding of God's good plan for sex is necessary. Otherwise, one or both people in the relationship may feel that their needs are not being met.
While God did create intimacy to be pleasurable, He is wise enough and good enough to infuse it with more meaning than merely physical enjoyment. Sex can be a place of connection, sacrifice, encouragement, and health for married couples. Searching the scriptures to understand God's vision for intimacy will enhance these times of closeness and allow them to benefit the marriage in many ways.
What we believe about our marriages deeply impacts them. If we hold on to myths and worldly ideas, we will quickly find ourselves discouraged, frustrated, or misled. But when we filter our expectations and experiences through the truth of God's Word, we can build marriages that are resilient, joyful, and Christ-honoring.
God designed marriage with purpose, and when we approach it with humility, intention, and a gospel-centered mindset, it becomes more than just a relationship—it becomes a ministry. Let's be committed to doing the work, learning the truth, and loving our spouse as Christ loves us. That kind of marriage won't just survive—it will thrive.
