Likewise, women are finding their jobs and careers more compelling than their boyfriends. They are married to their work rather than a man. (What they mostly find attractive in a man is hard cash rather than love. The message of all these reality shows, like "Joe Millionaire," is that poor guys without good jobs are toast.)

Mutual attraction has become so diminished that men and women are now grappling to find something they have in common in order to fall in love, like the couple last week who told me that they love each other because they both sky dive. Why else would so many husbands and wives say, "I love my spouse. He/she is my best friend." They are talking not of the passion between two lovers, but the companionship and trust of a friend.

Recently I was invited by the network show "Blind Date" to counsel a couple about to embark on their second date. I asked them if they had had sex on their first date. They giggled and said yes. I explained that by having sex so early they left themselves little to look forward to in the relationship. The man, all of 24 years old, was incredulous. "I don't know what you're talking about. To me sex is no big deal. We had a good time on the date, so we had sex. It was that simple. I don't look forward to the sex. We have so many better things to look forward to."

"Wow," I joked, "that must have been some really bad sex."

They didn't laugh.

"These other big things that you are both looking forward to," I said. "Give me an example."

"Like trust and friendship and sharing. All those really special things."

Little did he realize that he had just reduced his new girlfriend to one of his buddies.

With this kind of sexual and emotional dissatisfaction so prevalent, and with divorce at an all-time high, with men getting so much casual sex that they have become really bad lovers (there is no need to be creative in love; when it gets boring, just find someone new), it should come as no surprise that opposite-sex relationships are out and same-sex relationships are in. Which explains why gay relationships are all the rage.

We're fascinated because gays seem to have it all--sizzling sex lives as well as common interests. They're the only ones who seem to want to get married these days. On "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" we see a novel reversal in the power structure. Gays, once viewed as social outcasts, are in the driver's seat, dispensing wisdom to heterosexuals and improving their lives (or at least their clothes). The guys who grew up bullied and picked last for baseball are the new elite. The leper has become the leader--a new twist on the American success story.

With the breakdown of attraction between the sexes, I would not be surprised if experimental homosexuality became a fad over the next decade. Remember last year's movie "Kissing Jessica Stein," in which a straight woman was so turned off by the men she was dating that she fell into a lesbian relationship? This movie could not have been made ten years ago because nobody could have identified with its premise.

Rather than gawking at passionate gay relationships (or blaming gays for "destroying" our society), straight people should look at a few home truths.

  • Men today are being conditioned to date women and get sex from them, degrading them by using them as a means to an end.
  • Women today are deluded enough to allow this, thinking that they can achieve instant intimacy through physical contact.
  • Men and women have so many sexual partners that they become experts in one another's bodies, bringing objective standards to what should be a subjective experience. No wonder no one woman satisfies a man, and no one man is worth living with for the rest of your life.
  • Men don't know how to make love to a woman any more. They are selfish and impatient.
  • Women have embraced all the shallow male characteristics of pickiness, commitment-phobia, aggressiveness, and insatiability. To be tender is a sign of weakness.
  • Men and women face such terrible overexposure, through porn and casual sex, that it breeds boredom and contempt.
  • The divorce rate has reached 60 percent, a bigger threat to traditional marriage and family than the 15 percent rate of homosexuality.
  • Finally, holiness has been lost from our relationships so that making love has become about the bumping and grinding, rather than the fusion of two souls.
  • No wonder "Sex and the City" is one of the most popular shows on TV. It's about four women who behave just like men (sex without commitment, whining that nobody's good enough, discarding men as if they were rotting fish) and who have platonic gay relationships with each other. They love and trust each other far more than any men, and they treat each other as soul mates.

    I personally can't watch the show any more. It's far too cynical for my romantic tastes. But it's a taste of things to come if we don't start radically changing heterosexual relationships.