I love him very much, but we never miss one another! I want him to miss me and not get angry with me because I have a hard time letting him be my boss at work. I feel like I have no life. I just want normalcy. Please help.
--Too Close for Comfort
Dear Too Close,
In my book "Kosher Sex," I wrote about the need for separation and reunion in order to sustain passionate love between a husband and wife. Like a candle, love must sometimes flicker in order to continue burning strongly. In other words, even the slightest taste of absence will make the heart grow much stronger.
Being with your husband all the time does not allow for the candle to ever flicker. This can cause boredom--as well as tension--to build up in your relationship. In fact, you should really consider whether working together is a good idea. I recognize that this is a major decision, that it may not be economically feasible for either your family finances or your husband's business. But if the current arrangement is causing you such distress, it may be the only way to strengthen the marriage.
If this is not an option, try at least to put some separation in your marriage. Once or twice a week, meet friends for dinner or lunch so you and your husband can spend some time apart. This will enable you to have your own life in addition to the one you both share.
In a good marriage, husband and wife should become emotionally dependent. However, in order to truly be emotionally dependent on one another, you each have to remain a whole person, who is an individual and separate entity. To do this, you need a little space to grow as individuals. If your identity morphs into your husband's, you will have nothing of your own to give to your marriage.
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