Kate Gosselin Interview

Parenting Advice from Kate of 'Jon & Kate Plus 8'

By Dena Ross

You'd probably recognize Kate Gosselin more easily if you saw her surrounded by her gaggle of children than by herself. She's the Kate in TLC's hit reality show, "Jon & Kate Plus 8," which follows Kate and her husband, Jon, through the joys and struggles of raising their eight children—8-year-old twins Cara and Mady and 4-year-old sextuplets Leah, Hannah, Alexis, Aaden, Collin, and Joel—all of whom were conceived through Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), a form of infertility treatment.

While the Gosselins and another popular TV family, "The Duggers" (an Arkansas family with 18 children) have been in the media spotlight over the past few years, another mother of multiples has recently become the focus of our attention--Nadya Suleman, a single woman who recently gave birth to octuplets via in vitro and who already has six other children besides (also conceived via in vitro). Many media outlets have reached out to Gosselin, coauthor of the recently released "Multiple Blessings," for comment on Suleman's decision. Shortly before Suleman's rise to fame, Gosselin spoke with Beliefnet. In this interview, she talks about raising a large family on a budget, how she deals with sibling rivalry, and the one thing she's dreading about her children getting older.

Dena Ross is the Entertainment Editor of Beliefnet.

Biggest Concerns and Biggest Lessons Learned

Of all the concerns you had when you first realized you were pregnant with sextuplets, what was at the forefront of your mind?

Probably how we were going to provide for them. Obviously their health. I can't really pick one. There were a million. [We were concerned with] going from two kids to, at that time, it would have been nine, and how we [were] going to do it financially; their health—I didn't think much about my own health

What are some of the biggest lessons you've learned as a mother of multiple children, or just as a mother in general?

Many. First of all, I think, before I was a mom or when I had two kids, I tried to control their every movement, their every outfit. Honestly, I controlled down to the color socks they were wearing, their hair accessory, how their hair was going to be. I planned it all out. I think I've learned to chill out. I could lose my mind, or I can step back and say, "Ah, well, they'll be fine. As long as they're safe, they're fine."

We've obviously learned in those hard beginning years to trust that God has our best interests at heart. He will provide for us. He will take care of us. We just need to give the control to Him, which is actually very comforting to know, that it really doesn't rely on me.

The lessons…I could talk for an hour just on the things that we have learned because, in such a short period of time, we've been through so much. We've been thrown into so many different circumstances that I just feel like this whole time in my life is nothing but learning.

Losing Faith and a Message from God

Your faith has played such a big role in your life and in raising your children. Was there ever a time when you felt like you were losing your faith in God?

I would have to say yes. It was in 2004, and Jon had been unemployed for a while. I was busy trying to make whatever little bit of money we had stretch. I was completely frustrated. I was angry. I remember telling God, "This is the job, this is the job he's supposed to get. This is the perfect job. This is the one. We'll take this one, please." And then it would fall through. This happened a few times to the point where I got angry. I thought He had forgotten about us and that this was all a big mistake. What I didn't know was that He was lining up the perfect job.

I received a phone call one day asking for Jon, and he went up the next day, and that was it. He started right after Christmas. So it proved to me again that that was the job that he was supposed to have. God was in control, and it was just about us waiting and learning to trust Him. And we got through it [without going into] debt. Amazingly, we came out of it perfectly fine.

You write about a time when [daughter] Mady came to you--when you were going through fertility treatments, before the sextuplets were conceived--and saw you upset and crying, and told you that "It'll be soon, it'll be soon." You said it was as if God sent you an angel to bring you reassurance. Have there been any other times, either with Mady or any of the other kids, where you believed they were offering you heaven-sent wisdom?

I would have to say that that is probably the only time that definitely sticks out in my mind. I still think of it all the time. She had this look in her eye. I believe that that was God's way of saying, "Chill out. It'll happen." And it was amazing. It still gives me chills to think about it.

The Difficulties of Doing a Reality Show

What's the hardest thing about doing the show?

I would say it's the most full-time job I've ever had in my life and work. It's not about who's there. It's about all the stuff that people don't see behind the scenes--the scheduling, the meetings. Emailing at midnight is not uncommon at all. We don't leave work. I mean, the kids aren't working. I'm speaking of Jon and I. We feel that we don't ever leave work. And what doesn't get done during the day with the kids, you're doing at 9, 10, 11, 12 at night. That's probably the most difficult. It is the most full-time job I've ever had. But then the flip side is that we both get to work from home. We have eight kids, yet we're both at home with them. At least one parent is with them 95 percent of the time, and that's the best part. I try to focus on the good and not the bad. And that's definitely the best part.

Tips for Raising a Big Family on a Budget

What are some of your favorite tips for raising a big family on a budget?

The funny thing is, with the economy the way that it is, we're still doing the same things that we've always done because I felt very strongly about it. Long before they were telling us--when gas prices went up--to group your trips, I've been doing that just because it made sense for years.

Obviously, I stock up when things are on sale and watch the sale flyers. I plan my meals according to what is on sale that week.

I always said that ...my job was to stay at home and make [Jon's] money stretch further. I had always done this, but I got very serious about cooking from scratch. We like to eat organically. A loaf of bread is $3-plus, and you can make an organic loaf of bread--that tastes a hundred times better, by the way--for probably a nickel or a dime.

That's probably the biggest thing that I have done and stuck to--just everything I can make from scratch, I do.

Where do you find the time to do that?

Fortunately, I love to cook. It's my hobby, so it's not a chore for me. I know it is a chore to a lot of people, but when I'm in my kitchen with 50 messes around me and I'm creating something, that's probably one of the times that I'm happiest.

Handling Sibling Rivalry

You say you had some difficulties with Mady and Cara acting out a bit after you had the sextuplets. What advice do you have for other mothers who may be experiencing some sibling rivalry as they're preparing to bring their new additions home?

I think the main thing is to involve [the older children] as much as possible, as much as their age group will allow. I remember Mady did go through a time where, when nobody was looking, she'd pinch a baby. She did it often. I was very busy, and volunteers would tell me that she did it. And I honestly didn't know how to handle it. And to be very honest, it was low on the list of things that I needed to deal with. I mean, I was making 24, 36 bottles a day and trying to get through all of the other stuff we were dealing with.

So, the best thing that I could do was to involve them, to let them hold the babies when they could. Now mind you, they were only three and a half-ish, four, [so it was] "Get mommy a diaper." "Can you go get mommy a burp cloth?" Whenever we would involve them, it would help them.

The other thing that really helped in our situation was that the four volunteers and Jon and I [would] sit in a half-circle on a sofa with a baby sitting still, and [the twins] would do dress-up shows. We used to clap and cheer and just give them that attention as they put on their show. That seemed to really help.

Honestly, both of them to this day sometimes have issues with, "I wish we only had one younger brother or sister because they get into our stuff, and they ruin this and that." And I always tell them to "ask your friends" [about their siblings]. [Their friends] all strangely have brothers and sisters close to my little kids' ages. I said, "They get into their stuff, too. Just because there's six of them doesn't mean that if there was one, they wouldn't get into your things."

So we make rules that the little kids may not come into Mady and Cara's room without permission. They have to be expressly invited, because that's their place [where] they can go away from them and have their own time.

Calming Down and the Big Struggles

What do you like to do to calm down during or after a particularly stressful day?

I like to turn on music, clean up my kitchen, and hear quiet. I like that time at night by myself alone, just doing my own thing, reading a book. But that's as good as it gets, and that's fine with me, because after hearing the kids yelling and screaming and all the noise all day, that's something to look forward to.

What is the biggest thing you struggle with as you are raising all of your children?

The thing that is most difficult for me is paying attention to the details of each child. I try to hold myself to a standard of just because I have eight kids doesn't mean I can't treat each of them like they are an only child. I know that's a high standard, and it's difficult, and it doesn't always happen, but it's what I try to do. I don't want to let their issues fall through the cracks because I'm busy dealing with the masses. They're each special in their own individual ways.

The Joys and the Scary Times Ahead

What's the one thing that you're looking forward to the most as the kids grow up?

I'm trying to hang on to them little, so I don't know if there's anything I'm looking forward to. I know we have a lot of braces and college educations and stuff like that in our future, but I know that we'll get through it. And some day I know there will be rewards of lots of kids, lots of sons- and daughters-in-law, lots of grandkids, lots of noise. And I can love them all and send them home.

What's the one thing you're dreading as they're growing up?

The teenage years. If they can figure out that they've got us beat as far as numbers, we're done for. Scary.

Portrayal on TV and Prayer

It's been said by a lot of your show's viewers that sometimes you come off as irritable. What do you say in response to that?

Walk a day in my shoes and you'd be irritable too. What you see is what you get. I mean, it's the real me. I'm not going to be somebody I'm not. I have chilled out a lot because there's so much going on. I have to. And I think that's good for me. But again, come take a whack at it and they'd be irritable too.

Do you have a favorite prayer you like to say?

We do. At the dinner table every night we pray together. It's our prayer that I came up with. It started after the babies were born and times were tough, and I started praying it with Cara and Mady because I wanted them to see the good and not the bad in our situation. We always pray, "Thank you, Jesus, for putting a roof over our head and a warm meal on our table." We still pray it to this day because I don't ever want to lose sight of being thankful for what we have.

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