2018-03-07

Three Policemen at the Pearly Gates


Three police officers were standing in line at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked the first officer, “What did you do with your life?” “I was a police officer,” he responded. “What kind of police officer?” Saint Peter asked. “I was a vice officer. I kept drugs off the streets and out of the hands of kids.” “Welcome to heaven. You may end the gates.” He asked the second man what he did as a police officer. “I was a traffic officer,” said the man. “I kept the roads and highways safe.” “Welcome to heaven. You may enter the gates.” He asked the third man what he did as a police officer. “I was a military policeman, sir,” replied the man. “Wonderful! I’ve been waiting for you all day!” replied Saint Peter. “I need to take a break! Watch the gate, will you?” From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
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function scroll() { var delay = 10; //Get query parameters function getUrlVars() { var vars = {}; var parts = window.location.href.replace(/[?&]+([^=&]+)=([^&]*)/gi, function (m, key, value) { vars[key] = value; }); return vars; } var page = getUrlVars()["p"]; // Scroll down to the paginated content if (page != null && page.length > 0) { setTimeout(function () { function offset(el) { var rect = el.getBoundingClientRect(), scrollTop = window.pageYOffset || document.documentElement.scrollTop; return { top: rect.top + scrollTop } } var div = document.getElementById("scrollToHere"); var divOffset = offset(div); window.scrollTo(0, divOffset.top - 75); }, delay); } }