{"id":836,"date":"2017-04-26T20:46:59","date_gmt":"2017-04-26T20:46:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/?p=836"},"modified":"2017-04-26T20:46:59","modified_gmt":"2017-04-26T20:46:59","slug":"sometimes-nice-not-enough","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2017\/04\/sometimes-nice-not-enough.html","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes Being Nice Is Not Enough"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"gift<\/a><\/p>\n

I have spent the better part of my life believing that if you are really, really nice, people eventually will be nice in return. After having been alive for over four decades, I now realize that life doesn’t work that way.\u00a0 You can be kind, generous and turn the other cheek, and some people still will be rude and disrespectful to you anyway.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t say this to be depressing. Understanding this fact is liberating.\u00a0 There are many of us who go through life thinking, \u201cIf I just keep being nice, so-and-so will stop acting like a jerk.\u201d\u00a0 Or, \u201cIf I turn the other cheek, so-and-so eventually will stop being rude.\u201d\u00a0 And then we blame ourselves when people continue to act poorly.\u00a0 We believe that if we were nicer, their behavior automatically would have changed.<\/p>\n

If you feel that way, let me give you some news. There are people out there who are emotionally flawed.\u00a0 They can be snotty, rude and unkind at the drop of a hat.\u00a0 It is who they are.\u00a0 Their behavior has nothing to do with you.\u00a0 Their behavior is based on their moods.\u00a0 If they are feeling good, they are kind and friendly.\u00a0 And if they are feeling badly, they\u2019ll insult, demean and lash out at anyone who happens to be in their line of vision.<\/p>\n

The feelings of others are not on these people’s radar. They feel little to no guilt for hurting people.\u00a0 They are only concerned with their own emotional needs.<\/p>\n

I unfortunately have three people like that in my family. For years, I have made futile attempts to be kind and generous to them.\u00a0 I\u2019ve tried to present an example of what it means to be mature, polite and considerate, to no avail.<\/p>\n

However, at a certain point, I realized that no matter how kind I was, these individuals were not going to change their behavior. I have come to accept that I don\u2019t have the power to change the morals and character of others.\u00a0 Neither do you.<\/p>\n

So, where does that leave us? That leaves us relieved of feeling responsible for the poor behavior of others.\u00a0 Once we come to this realization, we then have real options.\u00a0 Without guilt, we can decide to stop dealing with people who are disrespectful to us.\u00a0 We can be nice because we are inherently nice people.\u00a0 But we can stop bending over backwards for people who don\u2019t deserve our efforts.<\/p>\n

I truly believe in being kind and encouraging to others at every opportunity. And I believe in being generous with my time and my money.\u00a0 But my efforts should be directed toward those who truly deserve those extras from me.<\/p>\n

My husband and my daughter are at the top of my list of people who deserve those extras. I have friends and other family members who also are supportive and kind, and who likewise merit my extra time and attention.<\/p>\n

If you have people in your life who you\u2019ve been trying to influence with kindness to no avail, my suggestion is to stop trying. They aren\u2019t going to change.\u00a0 Let them live in their own misery.\u00a0 Instead, give your time and mental energy to the people in your life who are good to you.\u00a0 Be extra-nice to those who deserve it.<\/p>\n

(Photo Courtesy of Pexels)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have spent the better part of my life believing that if you are really, really nice, people eventually will be nice in return. 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