{"id":819,"date":"2017-04-13T15:24:03","date_gmt":"2017-04-13T15:24:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/?p=819"},"modified":"2017-04-13T15:24:03","modified_gmt":"2017-04-13T15:24:03","slug":"improving-relationships-accepting-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2017\/04\/improving-relationships-accepting-others.html","title":{"rendered":"Improving Our Relationships by Accepting Others"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"dog<\/a><\/p>\n

We all seek acceptance. We all want to be loved for who we are \u2013 warts and all.\u00a0 That is what we desire from each of our relationships.\u00a0 What is ironic is that the very thing that we crave \u2013 acceptance \u2013 is the one thing that we find so hard to give to others.<\/p>\n

I have two friends who are getting divorced for no other reason than that the wife cannot accept her husband. She cannot accept that he has different points of view or ways of doing things.\u00a0 When he doesn\u2019t agree with her, she argues with him relentlessly because she can\u2019t accept his having a different opinion.\u00a0 And her inability simply to accept him for who he is has destroyed their marriage.<\/p>\n

I once met a lady from Australia who had a very strong 30-year marriage. I asked her what their marriage secret was.\u00a0 She said, \u201cGreg has never once tried to change me, and I never tried to change him.\u00a0 If we hadn\u2019t completely accepted one another, our marriage would not have lasted one year, much less 30.\u201d<\/p>\n

Acceptance doesn\u2019t mean that we allow people to hurt or abuse us. We don\u2019t need to accept or tolerate people being unkind to us.\u00a0 Rather, I am referring to our desire to change people who are good to us, but whom we would like to \u201cfix.\u201d<\/p>\n

We typically aren\u2019t seeking to fix something that is objectively wrong with the other person. Rather, we just want to make them more like us.\u00a0 For instance, years ago I had a friend who tried to fix me constantly.\u00a0 His lament was that I wasn\u2019t \u201cadventurous\u201d or \u201cspontaneous\u201d or even \u201cfun.\u201d<\/p>\n

The problem was that his incessant attempts to change me were irritating. There was nothing wrong with me.\u00a0 I just wasn\u2019t like him.\u00a0 And frankly, I didn\u2019t want to be anything like him.\u00a0 I was fine with him being different from me, and I accepted him fully.\u00a0 I even appreciated what made him different from me.\u00a0 Unfortunately, he couldn\u2019t accept me as I was.<\/p>\n

We tend to do this in our closest relationships. We see something in the other person that is different from us, and we get the bright idea that the other person needs to be more like us!\u00a0 And then we make well-meaning suggestions as to how he or she could \u201cimprove.\u201d<\/p>\n

But our advice typically backfires. That person didn\u2019t ask for our advice, nor do they likely want it.\u00a0 And it is arrogant to think that our way of doing things or way of being is the right way.<\/em><\/p>\n

So, part of acceptance is keeping our mouths shut. The best rule of thumb in relationships is to compliment as often as possible and to ignore what is imperfect.\u00a0 The message we want to send to those we love is this: I accept you completely.\u00a0 I have no desire to change anything about you.<\/p>\n

Frankly, the people in your life don’t want your advice.\u00a0 Most people who want help or life advice go to a professional, not their friends or family members. We want advice from someone who knows what they are talking about, and whose judgment won\u2019t hurt our feelings.\u00a0 For example, my doctor could tell me to lose weight for my health, and I would not be offended.\u00a0 However, if my husband told me that I needed to lose weight, my feelings would be incredibly hurt.\u00a0 I only am seeking acceptance from him.<\/p>\n

Since I write a column that offers life advice, I have to be particularly careful to limit my advice giving to my column. Very often, I am bursting to dole out advice to some poor soul, but instead I keep my mouth shut and write a column about the topic instead.<\/p>\n

The reality is that those nearest and dearest to me don\u2019t want my advice. They want my acceptance<\/em>.\u00a0 They want me to love them for who they are \u2013 warts and all.\u00a0 So, I work to convey my acceptance with compliments and encouraging words.\u00a0 And I try to keep my criticisms and advice to myself.\u00a0 I don\u2019t always succeed, but I try.<\/p>\n

If you want to improve your relationships, remember that what people crave from you is unconditional love and acceptance. If you can offer that to those closest to you, your relationships will improve beyond your wildest dreams.<\/p>\n

(Photo Courtesy of Pexels)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We all seek acceptance. We all want to be loved for who we are \u2013 warts and all.\u00a0 That is what we desire from each of our relationships.\u00a0 What is ironic is that the very thing that we crave \u2013 acceptance \u2013 is the one thing that we find so hard to give to others.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":593,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[51],"class_list":["post-819","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-acceptance"],"yoast_head":"\nImproving Our Relationships by Accepting Others - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Improving Our Relationships by Accepting Others - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We all seek acceptance. We all want to be loved for who we are \u2013 warts and all.\u00a0 That is what we desire from each of our relationships.\u00a0 What is ironic is that the very thing that we crave \u2013 acceptance \u2013 is the one thing that we find so hard to give to others.…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2017\/04\/improving-relationships-accepting-others.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Your Morning Cup of Inspiration\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-04-13T15:24:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/files\/2017\/04\/dog-and-cat-A.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meerabelle Dey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Improving Our Relationships by Accepting Others - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Improving Our Relationships by Accepting Others - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration","og_description":"We all seek acceptance. 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