{"id":70,"date":"2015-08-28T18:42:35","date_gmt":"2015-08-28T18:42:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/?p=70"},"modified":"2015-08-28T18:42:35","modified_gmt":"2015-08-28T18:42:35","slug":"raking-over-the-past","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2015\/08\/raking-over-the-past.html","title":{"rendered":"Raking Over the Past"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cSpare yourself the torture of raking over the past,<\/p>\n

but use the lessons well.<\/p>\n

Nothing in your past is wasted.<\/p>\n

It all prepares you for now.\u201d \u2013 Anon<\/p>\n

How often do we \u201crake over the past\u201d and miss the lesson? All too often, I fear. The problem for most of us is that when we think about a difficult situation from the past, we conclude that another person<\/em> is the one who needs to learn the lesson. He or she should have been more patient\/accepting\/loving\/responsible, etc. Perhaps that is true. However, we gain nothing from determining how other people have failed. Our past only benefits us when we use it to learn lessons about ourselves<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Think about those people who you consider to be wise. I suspect that they are the unique few who have learned<\/em> from their past, but don\u2019t rake<\/em> over<\/em> (obsess about) it. To that end, the following are ways to approach your past so that instead of wasting it, you can use it to prepare for a wonderful future\u2026<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. When It Comes to the Past, Forgive Yourself.<\/strong> The reality is that it is easy to forgive others. What is hard is to forgive ourselves<\/em>. We have a hard time forgiving ourselves for allowing someone else to hurt us. And we have an even harder time forgiving ourselves if we have hurt someone else. So instead of facing our own sin and imperfections, we obsess over how the other person wronged us. Or we reason that the other person \u201cmade\u201d us hurt them. All of this reasoning is a distraction from learning how to love, accept and forgive ourselves.<\/li>\n
  2. Other People\u2019s Personal Growth Is Not Your Issue.<\/strong> It isn\u2019t your job to analyze other people\u2019s mistakes. Nor is it your job to correct other people (outside of your minor children). Your only job on this earth is to become the best possible person that you can be. So when you think about the past, focus solely on what you can learn about yourself. <\/em>What are the areas in which you need to improve? Determine what those are, and then then work on those areas through prayer, reading and perseverance.<\/li>\n
  3. The Past Does Not Define Your Future.<\/strong> Just because you got divorced, that doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t have a successful marriage in the future. Just because you were fired, that doesn\u2019t mean that you can\u2019t be great at your next job. Failing at something once doesn\u2019t mean that you someday cannot succeed. Success in life isn\u2019t about doing things perfectly the first time. People who ultimately are successful learn from their mistakes, improve and try again.<\/li>\n
  4. Take Ownership of Your Mistakes<\/strong>. We can\u2019t learn from our mistakes if we don\u2019t admit that we made them in the first place. For example, very often when a relationship ends, I hear the same lament: Well, she (or he) was just crazy! Perhaps they were, but out of the millions of people in the world, you chose to have an intimate relationship with a difficult or unbalanced person. That was your choice<\/em>. Take ownership of your bad choices so that you can make better ones in the future.<\/li>\n
  5. Learn and Then Let Go.<\/strong> Very often people will say that they\u2019ve let something go, but they are still talking about it! If you still talk about your ex-spouse, you haven\u2019t let go of your divorce. If you keep a box of photos of your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, you haven\u2019t let go of that relationship. If you mention every year that your parents forgot your birthday when you were 12, you haven\u2019t let that go either. Letting go means that we stop talking about the past. Letting go means that we give up all the little knickknacks associated with the past and literally make room for the future.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    None of us goes through life unscathed. Everyone has disappointments and hurt. The question is not whether we will have problems, but when. The beauty of the above quote is that it speaks so clearly as to how we can use our inevitable challenges to our benefit. By not obsessing about the past, but instead learning from it, we truly can have an incredible present and future.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    \u201cSpare yourself the torture of raking over the past, but use the lessons well. Nothing in your past is wasted. It all prepares you for now.\u201d \u2013 Anon How often do we \u201crake over the past\u201d and miss the lesson? All too often, I fear. The problem for most of us is that when we…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":593,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-70","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nRaking Over the Past - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Raking Over the Past - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cSpare yourself the torture of raking over the past, but use the lessons well. Nothing in your past is wasted. It all prepares you for now.\u201d \u2013 Anon How often do we \u201crake over the past\u201d and miss the lesson? 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