{"id":494,"date":"2016-12-12T22:30:12","date_gmt":"2016-12-12T22:30:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/?p=494"},"modified":"2016-12-13T03:51:42","modified_gmt":"2016-12-13T03:51:42","slug":"learning-love-effectively","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2016\/12\/learning-love-effectively.html","title":{"rendered":"Learning How to Love Effectively"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"pexels-photo-23971<\/a><\/p>\n

Loving others is a skill. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize that.\u00a0 We think that love is something that everyone should just know how to do, like breathing.\u00a0 But loving other people is neither simple nor easy.<\/p>\n

The problem is that our first inclination is to love others in the way that we<\/em> want to love them.\u00a0 We don’t stop to think about how they <\/em>want to be loved.<\/em>\u00a0 For instance, the other day, I tidied up my daughter\u2019s room for her.\u00a0 She became aggravated and said, \u201cMom, what I really needed was your help with my English essay.\u201d\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t helping her (or loving her) in the way that she needed.<\/p>\n

We all know how it feels to be loved in the wrong way. We receive gifts that don\u2019t reflect our interests.\u00a0 We get advice that we didn\u2019t ask for.\u00a0 We are given a lecture when what we really needed was a hug.\u00a0 When that happens, we end up feeling unloved and misunderstood (notwithstanding the other person’s good intentions).<\/p>\n

The key to loving others effectively is to study <\/em>the people we love.\u00a0 My husband is very good at this.\u00a0 He pays attention.\u00a0 If I mention in passing that my car needs to be cleaned, he zips over to the car wash with it.\u00a0 If I see something in the store that I like, he makes a note of it for the next gift-giving occasion.\u00a0 He works at loving me in the way that I need to be loved.<\/p>\n

It is important to remember that over time, we have to adjust how we love people as circumstances change. This is true in marriage as our spouses mature and evolve as individuals.\u00a0 It is particularly true with our children.\u00a0 When my daughter was small, she needed lots of physical affection from me.\u00a0 Small children need hugs and hand holding.\u00a0 She now is a teenager and her needs have changed.\u00a0 Teenagers need someone to talk to.\u00a0 They need a great deal of encouragement and emotional support.\u00a0 The way we love our children needs to change as they grow.<\/p>\n

If you have a relationship that is struggling, try to figure whether you are loving that person in the way that they <\/em>need to be loved. Consider whether that person’s needs have changed over time.\u00a0 Pay attention to the clues that person is leaving you as to what he or she needs from you.\u00a0 Study that person.\u00a0 Loving others effectively is the most important skill that we can learn.\u00a0 It is the key to having happy relationships with those most dear to us.<\/p>\n

(Photo Courtesy of Pexels)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Loving others is a skill. Unfortunately, most people don’t realize that.\u00a0 We think that love is something that everyone should just know how to do, like breathing.\u00a0 But loving other people is neither simple nor easy. The problem is that our first inclination is to love others in the way that we want to love…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":593,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[22],"class_list":["post-494","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-love"],"yoast_head":"\nLearning How to Love Effectively - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2016\/12\/learning-love-effectively.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Learning How to Love Effectively - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Loving others is a skill. 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