A Buddhist friend of mine and I recently were discussing the concept of \u201cacceptance.\u201d \u00a0Our discussion led me to think about the confusion that surrounds this concept.\u00a0 We toss around the term acceptance a lot.\u00a0 There is the Serenity Prayer which asks for the serenity to \u201caccept\u201d the things one cannot change.\u00a0 There are articles written about practicing acceptance, and you\u2019ll even find that phrase on bumper stickers.\u00a0 But what does it really mean?<\/p>\n
At first glance, the practice of acceptance seems to demand a very passive approach to life.\u00a0 It appears that if one practices acceptance, you simply accept life as it is.\u00a0 You don\u2019t bother to change what doesn\u2019t work.\u00a0 And if people treat you poorly, you just take it.\u00a0 Fortunately, that kind of passivity isn\u2019t what is meant by practicing acceptance.\u00a0 The practice of acceptance is, in fact, the precursor to action.\u00a0 It is the first step in changing our lives for the better.<\/p>\n
When we practice acceptance, we make needed changes more quickly because we don\u2019t get stuck in our own misguided thinking.\u00a0 What kinds of thinking keep us stuck?\u00a0 Well, expecting that life should be fair<\/em> is one way that we get stuck.\u00a0 For many of us, when something bad happens, our first thought is, \u201cWhy me?\u00a0 This isn\u2019t fair.\u201d\u00a0 Then we latch on to that thought like a small dog with a bone.\u00a0 We think about all our friends and family members who \u201chave it easy,\u201d while we are struggling.\u00a0 We think about the person who wronged us and wonder why they haven\u2019t suffered for their actions.\u00a0 And all of that thinking<\/em> about fairness is a complete waste of time.<\/p>\n We also get stuck in \u201cright versus wrong\u201d thinking, e.g. I was right<\/em>, and what he or she did to me was wrong<\/em>.\u00a0 Then we meditate on and obsess over how wrong<\/em> that other person was.\u00a0 Have you ever known people like that?\u00a0 They got divorced decades ago, and they are still talking about all the bad things their spouse did, as though these events happened yesterday.\u00a0 Or they were fired from their jobs years ago, and they will tell you today in perfect detail how poorly they were treated.\u00a0 I am not minimizing those experiences.\u00a0 They are painful.\u00a0 But it does not benefit us to continue to fret about those who have treated us poorly.<\/p>\n When we practice acceptance, we take a different approach to handling difficult situations.\u00a0 We first acknowledge what has happened and accept that we cannot change (1) the past or (2) other people. \u00a0\u00a0Once we accept what we can\u2019t change<\/em>, then we can move forward to deal with what we can change<\/em>.<\/p>\n So, if someone has treated you poorly, you don\u2019t need to waste your time griping about how wrong they were.\u00a0 You simply have to accept that their behavior is a past act that can never be changed.\u00a0 And<\/em> you have to accept that you can\u2019t change them.\u00a0 Once you\u2019ve accepted what cannot be changed, then you can make a decision regarding what you can change – whether or not to remain in a relationship with that person.<\/p>\n If you have a job at which you are poorly paid, there is no point in lamenting that fact. \u00a0You need to accept that you are underpaid and recognize that you personally don\u2019t have the power to change that.\u00a0 Once you accept the fact of the situation, then you can make the decision as to whether you are going to stay with your employer and accept working for lower pay, whether you are going to ask for a raise, or whether you are going to look for another job.\u00a0 Those are the actions that you do have the power to take.<\/p>\n I once met a woman who had been diagnosed with Lupus.\u00a0 It is a disease that can afflict someone for years, and its symptoms include extreme fatigue and joint pain.\u00a0 She said that when she was given the diagnosis, she went straight from acceptance to action.\u00a0 She skipped the \u201cWhy me?\u201d and \u201cThis is so unfair!\u201d stages, accepted her diagnosis and immediately consulted with her doctor about what she could do to lessen the symptoms and overcome the disease.\u00a0 That is the power of acceptance.<\/p>\n When we want to improve our lives, the key is to accept our circumstances without getting stuck in the disappointment that we feel over what we think our circumstances \u201cshould be.\u201d\u00a0 By practicing acceptance, we understand that the past cannot be changed.\u00a0 Only then are we positioned to act to make our lives better for the future.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A Buddhist friend of mine and I recently were discussing the concept of \u201cacceptance.\u201d \u00a0Our discussion led me to think about the confusion that surrounds this concept.\u00a0 We toss around the term acceptance a lot.\u00a0 There is the Serenity Prayer which asks for the serenity to \u201caccept\u201d the things one cannot change.\u00a0 There are articles…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":593,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n