One of the biggest reasons that relationships suffer is that we want to control the behavior of others. We want people to act the way we would like them to act, and we rail against them if they don\u2019t.<\/p>\n
But the reality is that we can\u2019t control other people. We can try, but it is a massive waste of time.\u00a0 I can express my disappointment or displeasure over someone\u2019s behavior, but expecting my comments to change their behavior is delusional.\u00a0 My comments may<\/em> change their behavior.\u00a0But it is just as likely that my comments won\u2019t have any effect at all.<\/p>\n The problem is that when our comments have no effect, we take it personally. \u201cIf you loved me, you would stop doing X.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t respect me, and that is why you do X.\u201d\u00a0 The reality is that people behave in stupid, thoughtless ways because they choose to be stupid and thoughtless.\u00a0 It has nothing whatsoever to do with you.<\/p>\n Since we can\u2019t control how other people act, what do we do when their behavior is annoying or just plain wrong? The best thing we can do is to ignore them.\u00a0 And then do what we want.<\/p>\n Let me give you a simple example. My daughter generally keeps her room clean.\u00a0 She makes her bed every day and tidies up.\u00a0 But sometimes, her room goes haywire.\u00a0 Having a room in\u00a0my house that is messy gets on my last nerve.\u00a0 So I have two choices: I can nag her to clean it up, or I can just do it myself.\u00a0 9 times out of 10, I just do it myself.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Well, it isn\u2019t a teachable moment.\u00a0 She is in high school and is a straight A, honors student.\u00a0 She intellectually grasps that her room is supposed to be clean.\u00a0 So I can exhaust myself nagging her, or I can take all of three minutes, and do it myself.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather just do it myself, and enjoy my home.<\/p>\n Let’s say someone is rude to you.\u00a0 What do you do then?\u00a0 Again, ignore them.\u00a0 It is not your job to set people straight if they are rude or obnoxious.\u00a0 Their behavior is only a minor irritation to you.\u00a0 However, they have to live with themselves all the time.\u00a0 For instance, I was out shopping the other day, and a lady in line told off the store manager for not having enough cashiers.\u00a0 All I could think was, \u201cHow sad it must be to be you.\u00a0 You can\u2019t even wait in line patiently.\u00a0 Instead, you have to embarrass yourself by making a public fuss.\u201d\u00a0 The manager of the store was very polite to the customer, retrieved more cashiers, and otherwise kept a smile on her face.\u00a0 She ignored the behavior and didn\u2019t let it get under her skin.<\/p>\n However, what do you do if someone\u2019s behavior is so bad that you simply cannot be around them anymore? The answer remains the same.\u00a0 Ignore them, and do what you want.\u00a0 But \u201cdoing what you want\u201d may mean eliminating that person from your life.\u00a0 That sounds harsh, but is it?\u00a0 If my behavior really upsets another person, they are more than welcome to tell me, \u201cI don\u2019t want to deal with you anymore.\u201d\u00a0 Then I have the option of either (1) trying to salvage the relationship by apologizing and changing my behavior (if I\u2019ve done something wrong), or (2) allowing the relationship to end.\u00a0 The choice is mine.<\/p>\n This week, consider whether you are pointlessly expending energy trying to change the behavior of others. Take that energy back, and spend it on yourself.\u00a0 Ignore people if they aren\u2019t behaving well \u2013 they don\u2019t need your attention – and then do what makes you happy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" One of the biggest reasons that relationships suffer is that we want to control the behavior of others. We want people to act the way we would like them to act, and we rail against them if they don\u2019t. But the reality is that we can\u2019t control other people. We can try, but it is…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":593,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n