{"id":2006,"date":"2020-08-20T02:04:36","date_gmt":"2020-08-20T02:04:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/?p=2006"},"modified":"2020-08-20T02:04:36","modified_gmt":"2020-08-20T02:04:36","slug":"setting-boundaries-for-a-happier-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2020\/08\/setting-boundaries-for-a-happier-you.html","title":{"rendered":"Setting Boundaries for A Happier You"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"boundaries\"<\/a>
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Most of us have trouble setting boundaries.\u00a0 We want to be helpful and generous toward others with both our time and our resources.\u00a0 Yet, sometimes meeting the needs of others can become too much and can make us miserable.\u00a0 That is why it is so important to learn how to set boundaries with other people.<\/p>\n

Setting boundaries is critical for our personal happiness.\u00a0 That is because, on occasion, we all have to deal with difficult people who unnecessarily use up our time and resources.\u00a0 Or they sap our emotional energy.\u00a0 And if you don\u2019t help them or march to the beat of their drum, they throw temper tantrums or pout.\u00a0 Or they accuse you of being a bad or unhelpful person.\u00a0 You have to set boundaries with people like that, or they will exhaust you.<\/p>\n

Admittedly, setting boundaries with difficult people is challenging.\u00a0 But it is possible.\u00a0 Below are some ways to do exactly that so you<\/em> can be happy.<\/p>\n

Put Your Own Needs First<\/strong><\/h3>\n

I love helping others.\u00a0 I enjoy mentoring, encouraging and serving other people.\u00a0 But over the years, at times, I have erred on the side of helping others too much.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve often put my own needs on the back burner.\u00a0 Looking back, I will tell you that that was a mistake.<\/p>\n

When you die, you aren\u2019t going to say to yourself, \u201cWow.\u00a0 I\u2019m so glad that I made all those sacrifices that I had no desire to make so that Jim\/Sue could be happy.\u201d\u00a0 Not one of us is a saint or a martyr.\u00a0 We are human beings, and we need to do what is necessary to make ourselves happy during our time on this earth.\u00a0 And that means putting our own needs first<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Now, I\u2019ll tell you that if you set your boundaries and put your own needs first, some folks will gripe and moan.\u00a0 For example, let\u2019s say that your elderly parents live across the country.\u00a0 You\u2019d like to go visit them, but your spouse objects.\u00a0 Your husband wants you to stay home to help out with the kids and cook.\u00a0 Set your boundaries.\u00a0 Firmly tell your spouse, \u201cNo.\u00a0 I love you, but I am going to visit my parents.\u201d\u00a0 Put yourself and your needs first.\u00a0 Go visit your parents for a couple of weeks and let your spouse spend that time growing up a bit.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t set your boundaries and put yourself first, you\u2019ll spend your life needlessly sacrificing for the desires of other people.\u00a0 And that is no way to live your life.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t Worry About Being Liked<\/strong><\/h3>\n

There are two types of people with whom you will interact in this world.\u00a0 There are the people who will like you because of your personality and who enjoy spending time with you.\u00a0 They don\u2019t need anything from you.\u00a0 They simply like being in a relationship with you.<\/p>\n

And then there are the people who will like you only if you march to the beat of their drum.\u00a0 If you act in the way that they desire, and do the things that they want you to do, they will really like you!\u00a0 And if you disagree with them or don\u2019t accede to their wishes, they will turn on you.\u00a0 Suddenly, they\u2019ll inform you that you simply are not a likeable person.<\/p>\n

For example, I have a friend whose adult son likes him only when my friend gives him money.\u00a0 So, if my friend is being financially generous, his son communicates with him.\u00a0 If my friend chooses not to give his son money, his son ignores him.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t like his father simply because that\u2019s his Dad.\u00a0 His affection is conditioned on his father operating like an ATM.\u00a0 We all know people who are burdened with children like that.<\/p>\n

So, realize that your likeability often has nothing to do with you.\u00a0 Very often, when people criticize you or don\u2019t like you, it is because you aren\u2019t doing what they\u2019d like you to do.\u00a0 Don\u2019t bother to please those people.<\/p>\n

Instead, set your boundaries, and give people like that a gentle, but very clear \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 And expect that in response, they will tell you that you are not a likeable person.\u00a0 That is OK.\u00a0 They are entitled to their opinion, and you are entitled to ignore it.<\/p>\n

Love Yourself<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The main reason why we struggle with setting boundaries is that we so desperately want to be needed and loved.\u00a0 So, we go overboard in helping people so that we can feel necessary or important.\u00a0 And if someone tells us that they don\u2019t like us, we try to change ourselves so that they will like us.\u00a0 The reason why we do such crazy things is that we lack self-esteem.<\/p>\n

The best way to learn to set boundaries with others is this: Love yourself.\u00a0 Look in the mirror and like who you are.\u00a0 You are a wonderful person with great qualities.\u00a0 You have a lot to offer the world.\u00a0 Realize that your value as a human being is not decided by another person.<\/em>\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter whether that person is your spouse, teacher, child or parent.\u00a0 Your value is decided by God.\u00a0 And God Loves You.<\/p>\n

So, love yourself and set your boundaries with other people.\u00a0 Don\u2019t sacrifice for others so that they can be happy, while you are miserable.\u00a0 And for heaven\u2019s sake, don\u2019t change your personality to suit the desires of another person.<\/p>\n

You are perfect the way you are.\u00a0 If you are talkative, continue to be the lovely, extroverted person that you are.\u00a0 If you are reserved, sensitive and shy, stay that way.\u00a0 The world needs more people like you!\u00a0 Set your boundaries with others, and when someone tells you that you need to change, tell them in whatever terms suit you, \u201cNo!\u201d<\/p>\n

Setting boundaries with others is hard.\u00a0 Of course, we want to be kind and helpful whenever possible.\u00a0 And we want to be liked and have good relationships with others.\u00a0 But we should never put ourselves in the position of being miserable so that others can be happy.\u00a0 If we do that, we\u2019ve done ourselves a great disservice.\u00a0 So, set your boundaries.\u00a0 Know your value.\u00a0 And make yourself happy.<\/p>\n

Email: meerabelle@meerabelledey.com<\/p>\n

If you would like to receive my Free E-Book, “The Confidence Course,” and sign up for my weekly newsletter, go to meerabelledey.com<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most of us have trouble setting boundaries.\u00a0 We want to be helpful and generous toward others with both our time and our resources.\u00a0 Yet, sometimes meeting the needs of others can become too much and can make us miserable.\u00a0 That is why it is so important to learn how to set boundaries with other people.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":593,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2006","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nSetting Boundaries for A Happier You - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Knowing how to set boundaries with others is a critical skill for personal happiness. 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