{"id":1719,"date":"2020-04-14T12:39:38","date_gmt":"2020-04-14T12:39:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/?p=1719"},"modified":"2020-11-02T20:12:54","modified_gmt":"2020-11-02T20:12:54","slug":"why-cant-i-make-my-relationships-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2020\/04\/why-cant-i-make-my-relationships-work.html","title":{"rendered":"How to Have Great Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Photo by Jure \u0160iri\u0107 from Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

We all want to have great relationships with our family members and friends.\u00a0 But creating great relationships is hard.\u00a0 If it were easy, there wouldn\u2019t be so many divorces.\u00a0 There wouldn\u2019t be so many adults who have little to no contact with their parents or their siblings.\u00a0 And friendships wouldn\u2019t fall apart.<\/p>\n

The problem is that we, as human beings, are by our nature self-centered.\u00a0 We want to live life on our own terms<\/em>.\u00a0 We want people to always agree with us<\/em>.\u00a0 And we want people to do things our way<\/em>.\u00a0 Then, irrationally, after demanding that folks do things our way, we also want them to like us!<\/p>\n

To have great relationships with other people, you can\u2019t expect everyone to march to be beat of your drum.\u00a0 Instead, you have to treat the needs and desires of others as being as equally important as your own.\u00a0 And, at times, you have to put the needs of others before<\/em> your own needs.<\/p>\n

Many people are unwilling to make those kinds of sacrifices.\u00a0 And then they scratch their heads and ask, \u201cWhy can\u2019t I make my relationships work?\u201d\u00a0 The answer is that you can\u2019t be selfish and have good relationships.<\/p>\n

Of course, you can be selfish and have fun.\u00a0 You can be selfish and be popular.\u00a0 But if you are selfish, you will not have successful, close relationships.\u00a0 You may have a pile of acquaintances.\u00a0 But you won\u2019t have those meaningful, intimate relationships with others that you crave.<\/p>\n

So, if your closest relationships are struggling, and you really want to improve them, you need to change your mindset from \u201cselfish\u201d to \u201cselfless.\u201d\u00a0 Below are some ways to do just that.<\/p>\n

Learn to Enjoy Serving Others\u00a0 <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Many people live in fear of \u201cbeing taken advantage of.\u201d\u00a0 They worry that if they do too much for others, that somehow will make them a pushover or a patsy.\u00a0 Nothing could be further from the truth.<\/p>\n

Serving others is part of what transforms us from being children to being adults.\u00a0 Children spend their time being served, and they often wonder why people aren\u2019t doing more for them.\u00a0 Adults meet their own needs, and then they serve others.\u00a0 For instance, you know that your children have become adults when they no longer look to you for help, but instead ask, \u201cHow can I help you<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

Realize that it is personally rewarding to serve others.\u00a0 It feels good to see the joy on another person\u2019s face when you have done something to make him or her happy.\u00a0 It feels good to be able to care for other people.<\/p>\n

Moreover, service is what smooths the rough edges of our relationships.\u00a0 For example, successful marriages are the ones in which spouses serve each other \u2013 continually.\u00a0 My husband and I have a service-oriented marriage.\u00a0 Neither one of us sits on the couch waiting to be served while the other does the work.\u00a0 Instead, we are always serving each other.<\/p>\n

When spouses serve each other, neither one feels aggravated or over-worked.\u00a0 Neither feels like they are being taken advantage of.\u00a0 Instead, they both feel cared for.<\/p>\n

The same holds true for your relationships with your friends.\u00a0 Our friendships blossom when we serve each other.\u00a0 In fact, we always should be on the lookout for things we can do for our closest friends.\u00a0 For example, I have a very dear friend from church who regularly sends me Internet links to classical music pieces which she thinks I will enjoy.\u00a0 I have another friend who texts me funny jokes that she sees on Facebook.\u00a0 Both of these ladies regularly do thoughtful things which make me truly cherish those friendships.<\/p>\n

The bottom line is that the more we serve others, the better our relationships become.\u00a0 But to do so, we need to view serving others not as a burden, but as an opportunity.\u00a0 It is an opportunity to not only make others feel loved and cared for, but to improve our relationships with them, as well!<\/p>\n

Appreciate People for Who They Are<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The death knell for any relationship occurs when one person tells the other, \u201cYou should be more ______.\u201d\u00a0 Fill in the blank.\u00a0 Because the message that you send to someone when you say that (or imply that) is, \u201cI don\u2019t like you as you are.\u00a0 You aren\u2019t good enough.\u00a0 You need to change to meet my needs<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

The problem is that other people don\u2019t exist in order to meet our needs.\u00a0 Every person on this earth has their own<\/em> needs.\u00a0 They have their own hopes, dreams and aspirations.\u00a0 They have their own unique personalities.\u00a0 And they don\u2019t need to change for your benefit.<\/em><\/p>\n

Asking people to change who they are to make themselves more palatable to you is selfish.\u00a0 And it is a recipe for unsuccessful relationships with others.\u00a0 If you truly want to have good relationships with other people, stop asking them to change.\u00a0 Appreciate people just as they are.<\/p>\n

In any relationship, the best thing you can do is appreciate what is good about the other person, and work around those things that you don\u2019t appreciate.\u00a0 For instance, I know some couples for whom one spouse likes to go to church and the other doesn\u2019t.\u00a0 If that is your situation, don\u2019t force your spouse to go to church, if he or she doesn\u2019t enjoy it.\u00a0 But also don\u2019t give up going to church because your spouse won\u2019t go.\u00a0 Just go by yourself!<\/p>\n

A good marriage is a partnership in which both people have the ability to spend their time doing those things that they enjoy.\u00a0 It isn\u2019t a prison in which you and your spouse have to do every last thing together.\u00a0 Be confident enough to do some things on your own, if your spouse simply doesn\u2019t enjoy them.\u00a0 Don\u2019t demand that he or she change their tastes or interests to accommodate you.<\/p>\n

In fact, the best thing that you can do in any relationship is to stop focusing on where you find the other person to be lacking.\u00a0 Instead, focus on what you appreciate about them.\u00a0 No good comes from complaining about those who you are closest to.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s face it.\u00a0 We are all irritating in our own way.\u00a0 Better to appreciate others for what is wonderful about them, and hope that they will take the same benevolent attitude toward us.<\/p>\n

We all want good relationships with our spouses, family members and friends.\u00a0 Of course, that takes wisdom and maturity.\u00a0 But two steps in the right direction are being willing to serve<\/em> others and appreciating\u00a0<\/em>others.\u00a0 If you do those two simple things, I guarantee that your relationships will improve dramatically.<\/p>\n

Email: meerabelle@meerabelledey.com<\/p>\n

If you would like to receive my Free E-Book, “The Confidence Course,” go to meerabelledey.com<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We all want to have great relationships with our family members and friends.\u00a0 But creating great relationships is hard.\u00a0 If it were easy, there wouldn\u2019t be so many divorces.\u00a0 There wouldn\u2019t be so many adults who have little to no contact with their parents or their siblings.\u00a0 And friendships wouldn\u2019t fall apart. The problem is…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":593,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Have Great Relationships - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We all want to have great relationships with our friends and family members. 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