{"id":1462,"date":"2019-09-13T15:50:36","date_gmt":"2019-09-13T15:50:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/?p=1462"},"modified":"2019-09-13T15:50:36","modified_gmt":"2019-09-13T15:50:36","slug":"blessing-thick-skin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html","title":{"rendered":"The Blessing of Having a Thick Skin"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"adult-asking-beverage-590516\"<\/a>No one likes to be criticized. No one likes to be the subject of gossip or receive insults. But we all react differently to the negative behavior of others.<\/p>\n

I spent most of my life being very sensitive. If someone said something mean to me or merely insinuated that I was unattractive, unintelligent or unsuccessful, I felt quite hurt. As a result, I, effectively, gave other people the power to control whether or not I was happy.<\/p>\n

But with age comes confidence. And wisdom. I am not the same person I was 30 years ago. In fact, I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. Today, other people\u2019s opinions no longer have a meaningful effect on me. And that is a massive relief.<\/p>\n

To give a very small example, this week I went to a church meeting. At the meeting, one of the gentlemen criticized one of my decisions. It was a fairly minor decision, but he made clear that he thought that I\u2019d made the wrong choice.<\/p>\n

In the past, even a small criticism would have raised my blood pressure. I would have been upset and hurt. But strangely, I felt nothing. Zero. I smiled, explained my reasoning and was otherwise unperturbed.<\/p>\n

My reaction, in part, was due to the fact that this gentleman is a friend of mine. He and his wife come over for dinner on occasion, and they truly have been a blessing to me since we joined the church. So, I really don\u2019t mind him hassling me a bit.<\/p>\n

But what I find is that as I age, I have this reaction more frequently. I don\u2019t have an emotional reaction to the negative comments and behaviors of others in the same way that I used to. And feeling nothing<\/em> in those situations is the best feeling<\/em> I\u2019ve had. Having a thick skin is liberating<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Below are three ways to develop a thick skin. Consider how you might use these approaches to develop your own thick skin!<\/p>\n

Detachment:<\/strong> Detachment is a Buddhist concept. Buddha stated that the root of suffering is attachment. As soon as we become attached to anything, whether it be belongings, people or the approval of others, that thing holds us in bondage. It controls whether or not we are happy. If we have the thing we are seeking, we are happy. If we don\u2019t have it, we are sad.<\/p>\n

So, detachment<\/em> is liberating. If I am not attached to whether or not you approve of me, then your approval (or disapproval) has no power over me. I am free from you. I can love you. I can care for you and be good to you. But I am not affected by your opinion of me. Being detached from others in that way allows us to have a thick skin. We aren\u2019t perturbed by the words and actions of others.<\/p>\n

Confidence:<\/strong> When we lack confidence, we can be hyper-sensitive to the comments and behaviors of others. When I first became an adult, I wasn\u2019t confident. That was because I didn\u2019t know myself. I hadn\u2019t yet assessed my strengths and weaknesses. So, if someone expressed their opinion about me, I accepted it as true, whether or not it was accurate.<\/p>\n

I, effectively, viewed myself through the opinions of others. If people gave me positive feedback, I felt very, very good. But if someone criticized or insulted me, I was terribly hurt. And I wasn\u2019t mad at the person who insulted me. I was mad at myself for not being good enough.<\/p>\n

Fast forward through many years, and today, I am a confident person. I know my strengths and weaknesses, and that allows me to have a thick skin. I know myself better than anyone. As a result, the opinions of others simply don\u2019t have any effect on how I view myself.<\/p>\n

So, someone can insult me, and I might agree with them! I know my weaknesses. But I also feel very good about my strengths.<\/p>\n

Benevolence: <\/strong>When dealing with other people, it helps to have a benevolent attitude. In fact, the best attitude you can have with difficult people is one of kind tolerance. If someone insults you or is rude to you, just laugh it off and be glad you aren\u2019t that person!<\/p>\n

The question you need to ask yourself is this: What position do you want to be in when you interact with other people? If you are easily offended, then you are in a position of weakness with others. They have the power to hurt you with a simple comment.<\/p>\n

However, if you have a benevolent view of others, then you are in a power position. The comments of others have no effect on you. You truly have a thick skin.<\/p>\n

So, when someone insults you, look past the insulting comment to get to the individual\u2019s true motivation. When you do that, invariably you will find that weak and insecure people spend their time insulting other people. The only reasonable response to them is to treat them with pity and compassion.<\/p>\n

This week, think about ways that you can develop a thick skin in your interactions with others. When we aren\u2019t easily offended, our relationships run much more smoothly, our self-esteem increases\u00a0and every area of our life improves.<\/p>\n

(Photo Courtesy of Pexels)<\/p>\n

Email: yourmorningcupofinspiration@gmail.com<\/p>\n

Books: “The Secrets to Success for the Working Mother” by Meerabelle Dey (https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Secrets-Success-Working-Mother\/dp\/1546329544<\/a>\u00a0)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No one likes to be criticized. No one likes to be the subject of gossip or receive insults. But we all react differently to the negative behavior of others. I spent most of my life being very sensitive. If someone said something mean to me or merely insinuated that I was unattractive, unintelligent or unsuccessful,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":593,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1462","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Blessing of Having a Thick Skin - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Blessing of Having a Thick Skin - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"No one likes to be criticized. No one likes to be the subject of gossip or receive insults. But we all react differently to the negative behavior of others. I spent most of my life being very sensitive. If someone said something mean to me or merely insinuated that I was unattractive, unintelligent or unsuccessful,…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Your Morning Cup of Inspiration\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-09-13T15:50:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/files\/2019\/09\/adult-asking-beverage-590516.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Meerabelle Dey\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Blessing of Having a Thick Skin - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Blessing of Having a Thick Skin - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration","og_description":"No one likes to be criticized. No one likes to be the subject of gossip or receive insults. But we all react differently to the negative behavior of others. I spent most of my life being very sensitive. If someone said something mean to me or merely insinuated that I was unattractive, unintelligent or unsuccessful,…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html","og_site_name":"Your Morning Cup of Inspiration","article_published_time":"2019-09-13T15:50:36+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/files\/2019\/09\/adult-asking-beverage-590516.jpg"}],"author":"Meerabelle Dey","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html","name":"The Blessing of Having a Thick Skin - Your Morning Cup of Inspiration","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/files\/2019\/09\/adult-asking-beverage-590516.jpg","datePublished":"2019-09-13T15:50:36+00:00","dateModified":"2019-09-13T15:50:36+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/#\/schema\/person\/7250ab2fc75dd2e7e923fbec0fbb375c"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/files\/2019\/09\/adult-asking-beverage-590516.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/files\/2019\/09\/adult-asking-beverage-590516.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/2019\/09\/blessing-thick-skin.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Blessing of Having a Thick Skin"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/","name":"Your Morning Cup of Inspiration","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Meerabelle Dey","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/#\/schema\/person\/7250ab2fc75dd2e7e923fbec0fbb375c","name":"Meerabelle Dey","description":"Meerabelle Dey has a B.A. in History and Religious Studies from the University of Toronto and a J.D. from Fordham University School of Law. Much of her legal career has been spent dealing with issues affecting women, children and the poor. She has lived in the United States, Canada and the Middle East. Meerabelle now devotes her time to writing. Her mission is to use her writing to inspire others to achieve God\u2019s unique purpose for their life.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/author\/mdey"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1462","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/593"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1462"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1462\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1467,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1462\/revisions\/1467"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1462"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1462"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourmorningcupofinspiration\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1462"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}