{"id":259,"date":"2010-03-08T09:49:54","date_gmt":"2010-03-08T09:49:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/yourdailyspiritualstimulus\/2010\/03\/i-recently-had-the-pleasure.html"},"modified":"2010-03-08T09:49:54","modified_gmt":"2010-03-08T09:49:54","slug":"i-recently-had-the-pleasure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourdailyspiritualstimulus\/2010\/03\/i-recently-had-the-pleasure.html","title":{"rendered":"Are You a Shopaholic? An Interview with psychologist, April Lane Benson"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"To<\/a><\/span>
I recently had the pleasure of meeting the reknown psychologist, April Lane Benson<\/a>, at a conference in Arizona, where we were both keynote speakers. April’s an expert in compulsive shopping. Afterwards, we had a chance to have lunch together and she gave me a copy of her new book, To Buy Or Not To Buy: Why We Overshop and How To Stop<\/i>.<\/a> It’s a great book that I highly recommend to anyone who’s ever shopped…shall we say, recreationally<\/i>…which is most of us! <\/font><\/p>\n

Here’s an interview with <\/font>Dr. <\/font>April Lane Benson:<\/font><\/u><\/p>\n

<\/b>Deborah:<\/font> Based upon your experience April, why do you think people shop compulsively?<\/i><\/p>\n

April: There are as many reasons to overshop as there are overshoppers. Each
\none is a way of attempting to deal with thorny individual issues and
\nunmet personal needs; each is based on what real overshoppers
\nhave told me over the years. Mostly,  people shop to soothe themselves,
\ntemporarily ease depression, overcome negative self image, or to avoid
\ndealing with something else. For some people, compulsive shopping is a
\nresponse to stress, lose, or trauma, and an attempt to feel more in
\ncontrol. Sometimes people use compulsive shopping as a weapon, to
\nexpress anger or seek revenge.  Or, some may shop to hold on to love,
\nas in the compulsive gift giver. Ultimately, compulsive buying is an
\nattempt to resolve a personal issue or spiritual dilemma.<\/p>\n

\n<\/i>Deborah: Why are women more prone to becoming “shopaholics?”<\/p>\n

<\/i>April: Actually, this is a misconception; shopping is not just a woman’s
\nthing. Studies show that men and women were almost equally likely to be
\ncompulsive buyers. They do shop differently, however. Men tend to shop
\nmore in a “work” frame and women are more “leisure” shoppers. Women–who
\ntend to be other-oriented and relationship-centered–tend to buy
\nclothing, jewelry, cosmetics, and appearance oriented goods. While
\nmen–who tend to be self-oriented and activity-centered–often purchase electronics and sports equipment, primarily functional goods.
\nMen and women also relate differently to what they have…women value
\ntheir emotional and symbolic possessions, while men favor their functional
\nand leisure items. <\/p>\n

Also, men’s shopping is more culturally acceptable. We tend to see men
\nmore as consumers and collectors, but not shoppers. While women’s
\nshopping habits are often seen as self-indulgent and unimportant. Call
\nit what you will, the fact is that both genders are subject to serious
\nabuses when it comes to buying behavior.<\/p>\n

<\/i>Deborah: What tips can you recommend to our readers who consistently overshop or spend beyond their means?<\/p>\n

<\/i>Here’s April’s Tips:<\/p>\n

1.  Be a private eye around your buying behavior.  Identify the cues or
\ntriggers that lead to overshopping or overspending, e.g. a bad day at
\nwork, a fight with a spouse, feeling lonely, bored, or in need of
\nreward, free time, or the holidays perhaps.  Look for patterns and
\nconnections. It’s important to realize that shopping is an equal
\nopportunity, all purpose mood changer, but works only temporarily. 
\nAfter a short while, your mood will often dip even below where it was
\nbefore you shopped because now the guilt and the remorse are added to
\nit.<\/p>\n

2.  Look at the consequences of your overshopping. In what areas of
\nyour life is it costing you? Financially? Emotionally? Socially?
\nOccupationally?  Spiritually?<\/p>\n

3. Choose someone in your life to be a Shopping Support Buddy and
\nbrainstorm together about how that person will support you to stop
\novershopping.<\/p>\n

4.  Expect that you may very likely feel worse before you feel better,
\nsince the anesthetic qualities that the buying supplied are now gone.<\/p>\n

5. Write down everything you spend and assign each expenditure a score,
\nbased on how necessary you deem it to be, from 0=entirely unnecessary,
\nto 1\/3=a little necessary, to 2\/3=very necessary to 1, essential. At
\nthe end of the week, look at how many of your purchases you rated
\nentirely or relatively unnecessary and then you’ll see how much you
\ncould save if you were only buying things that were more necessary
\nrather than less.<\/p>\n

6.  Make sure you allocate some money each month for Heartsongs, things
\nthat make your heart sing.  Otherwise, you’re putting yourself at risk
\nfor feelings of deprivation and a spending binge.<\/p>\n

7, Consult one of the many online calculators that will help you to see the high cost of credit card debt.<\/p>\n

8.  Take control of your cues by avoiding them altogether, or limiting
\nyour exposure . If Bloomingdales is a cue…stay far away!<\/p>\n

9.  Also build in a pause between your impulse to buy and your actual buying behavior.  During the pause, ask yourself:<\/p>\n

a.    Why am I here?
\nb.    How do I feel?
\nc.     Do I need this?
\nd.    What if I wait?
\ne.    How will I pay for it?
\nf.      Where will I put it?<\/p>\n

10. Use cash or a debit card, without overdraft protection.  Know what’s in your checking account at all times.<\/p>\n

<\/i><\/font>11. Make a list of your best reasons to stop overshopping.  Keep this “Why Not Shop?” list with you at all times.<\/p>\n

<\/font><\/i>12. Ask yourself: What Am I Really Shopping For?.  What underlying
\nemotional needs  have triggered my impulse to overshop? Instead of
\nshopping,do something else that is healthy and life-enhancing to meet some of your underlying needs. If you shop because you’re lonely, find
\nanother way to feel connected that builds self-esteem, not tears it
\ndown<\/i>!<\/p>\n

Remember: You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.<\/p>\n

<\/i>Thank you, April…those are very wise words.<\/p>\n

Peace and Blessings!
<\/i><\/font><\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently had the pleasure of meeting the reknown psychologist, April Lane Benson, at a conference in Arizona, where we were both keynote speakers. April’s an expert in compulsive shopping. Afterwards, we had a chance to have lunch together and she gave me a copy of her new book, To Buy Or Not To Buy:…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":351,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,5,7,8,9,11,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-259","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-beliefnet-prayer-circles","category-current-events","category-financial-forgiveness","category-financial-healing-prayers","category-financial-recovery","category-healing-debt","category-money-coaching"],"yoast_head":"\nAre You a Shopaholic? 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