{"id":196,"date":"2009-11-30T09:33:33","date_gmt":"2009-11-30T09:33:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/yourdailyspiritualstimulus\/2009\/11\/money-coaching-monday-financial-survival-tips-for-couples.html"},"modified":"2009-11-30T09:33:33","modified_gmt":"2009-11-30T09:33:33","slug":"money-coaching-monday-financial-survival-tips-for-couples","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yourdailyspiritualstimulus\/2009\/11\/money-coaching-monday-financial-survival-tips-for-couples.html","title":{"rendered":"Money Coaching Monday: Financial Survival Tips for Couples"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"iStock_000007173441XSmall.jpg\"<\/a><\/span>
A large part of my work at the Money Coaching Institute<\/a> is working with couples who have money issues. Financial conflict is common in many relationships and left unmanaged, can seriously fracture a marriage. And  <\/font>unfortunately, money issues remain one <\/font>of the most common causes of divorce today.
\n<\/font>
In my experience, many relationships could be saved if couples could learn how to communicate more effectively around money. But for many couples this is easier said than done since money is still possibly the most difficult and taboo subject to talk about in the world.  <\/p>\n

It’s important to understand that money is a core survival issue<\/b> and highly triggering emotionally. If you do not feel safe financially with your spouse, it can erode at the trust and foundation of your relationship. So, it’s important that you learn to communicate (not blame) your fears and concerns to your spouse in a way that can be heard.<\/i> <\/p>\n

Even in good financial times, money issues can be a source of conflict. In tough times, due to added financial stress and pressures, money issues and conflicts can easily become more challenging. <\/p>\n

<\/font>If you, or someone you know, is going through a tough time due to this
\nfinancial crisis, here are my Six Survival Steps for Relationships that
\ncan truly help you through this time. Remember that now, more than ever, you need your
\nrelationship to provide a loving, supportive shelter from the storm
\nthat is occurring around you. <\/p>\n

    1. Remember that your core money issues get triggered when you are
\nunder stress, but most likely they did not begin in your marriage. They
\nrepresent unhealed wounds and patterns from childhood that you each brought into the
\nrelationship. Have compassion for each other and your wounds from the
\npast. Learn to understand how you trigger one another and then try to
\navoid doing so.<\/p>\n

   2. It is so easy to focus on what’s wrong that we often forget to
\nremember what’s good in our relationship. Make a list <\/b>of what is
\nworking in your relationship and what you truly love about your
\npartner. Share this out loud with one another. We all greatly need to be
\nappreciated and acknowledged.  <\/p>\n

  3. Most financial differences are due to a failure to effectively
\ncommunicate our needs, fears and grievances, which tend to accumulate
\nover time. Learn to talk openly and calmly and without blame. If there
\nis an issue that is too difficult to resolve alone, seek the guidance of a money coach, therapist or minister. Remember, the cost of getting help is far less expensive than divorce.<\/p>\n

 
\n4. Respect one another and either accept your differences, or work together to resolve them. Become a team in resolving your issues.<\/p>\n

  <\/font>5. Never fight about money in front of your children. It can cause your children to become highly fearful and develop negative associations and money issues of their own later in life.      <\/p>\n

 
\n6. I also recommend participating daily in this special process
\nfrom the Institute of Heart Math<\/a>, developed by psychologist Deborah
\nRozman. It is scientifically
\nproven to you adjust your heart rhythms into a cohesive pattern. It
\ncan actually help you and your spouse to get your hearts in-sync and nurture your love and
\nconnection. Just follow these simple steps to do reap the benefits of
\nthis profound process.          <\/p>\n

Step One: Heart Focus – Shift your attention to the area of your heart
\nand breathe slowly and deeply. (Note: I have found it helps to put your
\nhand on your heart while doing this.)<\/p>\n

Step Two: Heart Breathing – Keep your focus on the heart by gently
\nbreathing – five seconds in and five seconds out – through your heart.
\n(Note: Do this two or three times together, if possible, while looking
\ninto each others eyes.)<\/p>\n

Step Three: Heart Feeling – Activate and sustain a genuine feeling of
\nlove, appreciation or caring for your partner, or something you share
\nin your life together. Focus on the good heart feeling as you continue
\nto breathe through the area of your heart.<\/p>\n

Do this exercise together daily and you will begin to feel more
\nconnected and at peace in your relationship. Whenever issues arise,
\ncommit to using this practice as a medium for heart-centered
\ncommunication.<\/p>\n

Last but not least, pray this wonderful prayer together:<\/p>\n

Dear God,
\nPlease make of our relationship a great and holy adventure.
\nMay our joining be a sacred space.
\nMay the two of us find rest here, a haven for our souls.
\nRemove from us any temptation to judge one another or to direct one another.
\nWe surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens.
\nWe know You are our answer and our rock.
\nHelp us to not forget.
\nBring us together in heart and mind as well as body.
\nRemove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel.
\nMay we not be tempted by fantasies and projections.
\nBut guide us in the ways of holiness.
\nSave us from darkness.
\nMay this relationship be a burst of light.
\nMay it be a fount of love and wisdom for us, for our family, for our community, for our world.
\nMay this bond be a channel for Your love and healing, a vehicle of Your grace and power.
\nAs lessons come and challenges grow, let us not be tempted to forsake each other.
\nLet us always remember that in each other we have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man,
\nThe strongest one,
\nThe sacred one in whose arms we are repaired.
\nMay be remain young in this relationship.
\nBring us what You desire for us,
\nAnd show us how You would have us be.
\nThank You, dear God,
\nYou who are the cement between us.
\nThank You for this love.
\nAmen.<\/p>\n

~ Marianne Williamson (from Illuminata)<\/p>\n

Peace & Blessings!<\/p>\n

<\/font>
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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