{"id":1739,"date":"2012-01-20T09:05:16","date_gmt":"2012-01-20T14:05:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/yearofsundays\/?p=1739"},"modified":"2012-01-20T00:15:22","modified_gmt":"2012-01-20T05:15:22","slug":"martians-for-jesus-invade","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/yearofsundays\/2012\/01\/martians-for-jesus-invade.html","title":{"rendered":"Martians for Jesus Invade!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Click to make the Christian hipsters bigger. (You have to do it twice.)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

For decades, Portland\u2019s Southeast Hawthorne neighborhood has been a center for our city\u2019s West Coast counterculture, offering more head shops, thrift stores and local arts and crafts than you can shake a doobie at. You don\u2019t have to share all of its habitants\u2019 political views to see that they have something worthwhile to share with the world, namely that you can thrive by maintaining an independent, do-it-yourself outlook.<\/p>\n

That kind of thinking isn\u2019t exactly encouraged by many Christians. According to the Mars Hill Church website,\u00a0 \u201cmankind is totally depraved\u201d<\/a> and there\u2019s not a damn thing we we can do about it, except allow Jesus to wriggle his way into our ventricles. Not exactly a recipe for rugged self-reliance.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s how Mars Hill Church\u2014let\u2019s call them Martians for Jesus\u2014sees it. This last Sunday, Amanda and I attended the Grand Opening of the Seattle-based group\u2019s 14th \u201cchurch plant\u201d, located in the heart of the Hawthorne District on SE 32nd and Taylor. It was also the kickoff for an 11-week series on marriage called \u201cNew Marriage, Same Spouse.\u201d Their basic message: \u2018Got a sucky marriage? You\u2019re not getting enough Jesus.\u2019<\/p>\n

According to Pastor Mark Driscoll, there\u2019s exactly one\u2014and only one\u2014way to have a happy marriage. Speaking via live video feed piped in from Seattle because apparently there aren\u2019t any local Jesus Martians qualified to cover the topic (and sell his new book), here are a couple of his grand pronouncements about the human condition:<\/p>\n

Regarding intimacy in the marriage<\/em>:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe deepest intimacy of all is spiritual intimacy and if you don’t build that relationship with Christ as the center, invariably it’s going to be a weak and immature relationship. It may feel close and intimate and exciting, but that’s simply because of the presence of sin and not because the presence of the spirit of god is binding two people together.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Regarding having a thriving relationship<\/em>:<\/p>\n

Once a couple has followed the Mars Hill Christianity program adequately, \u201cThen we’re friends and we’re actually close and we know each other. And the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all our unrighteousness. And that’s how it works. That’s the ONLY way that it works.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In other words, if your godless relationship is bad, it\u2019s because you haven\u2019t added Christ to the mix. If, however, your godless relationship is healthy, you\u2019re still doing it wrong.<\/p>\n

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Money shot , cha-ching!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Of course, it\u2019s not enough that you\u2019re a lousy sinner. The cosmic cards have been stacked against you as well.\u00a0 Pastor Mark goes on:<\/p>\n

\u201cSatan absolutely hates God, he hates God\u2019s people, he hates marriage and he especially hates Christian marriage. And so Satan attacks Christian marriages because he knows that if he can affect your marriage, he can affect generations\u2014your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So it goes: a message of powerlessness, with Jesus and Satan playing football with our souls.
\nAccording to this church, here are a few of the many rules essential for a healthy marriage. The list is by no means complete:<\/p>\n