{"id":5394,"date":"2011-08-02T16:09:39","date_gmt":"2011-08-02T20:09:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/watchwomanonthewall\/?p=5394"},"modified":"2011-08-02T16:09:39","modified_gmt":"2011-08-02T20:09:39","slug":"hum%e2%98%bar-that-aint-so-funny-if-it-happened-to-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/watchwomanonthewall\/2011\/08\/hum%e2%98%bar-that-aint-so-funny-if-it-happened-to-you.html","title":{"rendered":"HUM\u263aR that ain’t so funny if it happened to you!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Watchwoman<\/span>: I got this from an online friend and it urged me to Send this to all my female friends…so I’m posting it where women can read it. \u00a0\u25ac Donna Calvin
\n<\/span>\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

This is so funny..I have actually imagined a similar scenario happening to me during a mammogram:<\/div>\n

The Assault of\u00a0a Mammogram Technician:<\/h1>\n

While conducting some business at the Court House, I\u00a0\u00a0 overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a\u00a0Mammogram\u00a0\u00a0 Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty but … there were extenuating circumstances.”<\/p>\n

The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.”<\/p>\n

I did, too, so I listened as the lady told her story.<\/p>\n

“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier\u00a0smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step\u00a0into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”<\/p>\n

I’m thinking, Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science. Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.<\/p>\n

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes\u00a0and lean in a tad so we can get everything?”<\/p>\n

“Fine,” I answered.<\/p>\n

\n

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off?<\/p>\n

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces\u00a0of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!<\/p>\n

Complete darkness, the power was off!<\/p>\n

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.<\/p>\n

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?” I shouted.<\/p>\n

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”<\/p>\n

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men extraordinaire”\u00a0found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!<\/p>\n

After exchanging a polite Hi, how’s it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the\u00a0power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did, but thanks anyway.”<\/p>\n

“OK, you take care now,” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.<\/p>\n

\"\"Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you!\u00a0\u00a0 And silly me, I went to lunch.\u00a0 Are we upset?”<\/p>\n

“And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”<\/p>\n

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said “Case Dismissed!’<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Watchwoman: I got this from an online friend and it urged me to Send this to all my female friends…so I’m posting it where women can read it. \u00a0\u25ac Donna Calvin \u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a \u00a0\u00a0\u263a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":403,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181],"tags":[2010],"class_list":["post-5394","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-mammogram"],"yoast_head":"\nHUM\u263aR that ain't so funny if it happened to you! 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