{"id":4612,"date":"2011-07-19T19:09:45","date_gmt":"2011-07-19T23:09:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/watchwomanonthewall\/?p=4612"},"modified":"2011-07-19T19:10:04","modified_gmt":"2011-07-19T23:10:04","slug":"remember-its-hum%e2%98%bar-d%e2%98%bant-thr%e2%98%baw-a-fit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/watchwomanonthewall\/2011\/07\/remember-its-hum%e2%98%bar-d%e2%98%bant-thr%e2%98%baw-a-fit.html","title":{"rendered":"Remember it’s HUM\u263aR – D\u263an’t thr\u263aw a fit!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Don't have a fit! It's HUMOR, friends! Is everything Jay Leno jokes about in his monologue verifiable and certifiably true?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Saving President Obama<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

One day President Obama fell off a bridge and was saved by three young boys.<\/p>\n

Obama thanked them and said he’d give them all one thing in the whole world.<\/p>\n

The first boy asked for a trip to Disney Land and vuala… that summer he was in Disney Land.<\/p>\n

The second boy asked for a pair of Nike Shocks and sure enough the next day he was wearing a pair of Nike’s.<\/p>\n

The third boy asked for a wheel chair with a plasma TV, cup holders and hydrolics.<\/p>\n

Obama, looking puzzled at the boy, asked why he wanted a tricked out wheel chair because he didn’t look disabled.<\/p>\n

The young boy replied, “I will be after my father finds out that I saved you”.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I don’t throw a fit, that’s why\u00a0I’m glad I’m a man<\/strong><\/p>\n

Everyday I give thanks to God
\nI was born a man instead of a broad<\/p>\n

When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV
\nI don’t shave my legs, I stand up to pee<\/p>\n

I go to a barber, not a beauty salon
\nDon’t pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on<\/p>\n

I use my turn signal, I understand sports
\nMan, I’m glad I’m a man, man<\/p>\n

Tell you the reason I am
\nI don’t go through a faze every 28 days<\/p>\n

Man, I’m glad I’m a man<\/p>\n

I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons
\nDon’t take a lot of friends when I go to the john<\/p>\n

I don’t throw a fit when I break a nail
\nI don’t buy a lot of shoes just because they’re on sale<\/p>\n

I don’t apply makeup in my rear-view mirror
\nI don’t think of Bambi when I’m out hunting deer<\/p>\n

I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass
\nMan, I’m glad I’m a man, man<\/p>\n

Tell you the reason I am
\nI don’t face the pain of water-weight gain<\/p>\n

Man, I’m glad I’m a man
\nLet me tell you ladies
\nListen to me ladies
\nI love your pretty faces
\nYour warm and soft embraces<\/p>\n

I don’t spend two hours getting ready for a date
\nWhen someone asks me my age, I never lie<\/p>\n

I don’t spend a fortune on French lingerie
\nThis is the same underwear I wore yesterday<\/p>\n

Man, I’m glad I’m a man, man<\/p>\n

Tell you the reason I am
\nI find Michael Bolton completely revoltin’<\/p>\n

Man, I’m glad I’m a man<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Saving President Obama One day President Obama fell off a bridge and was saved by three young boys. Obama thanked them and said he’d give them all one thing in the whole world. The first boy asked for a trip to Disney Land and vuala… that summer he was in Disney Land. The…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":403,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181],"tags":[1684],"class_list":["post-4612","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","tag-dont-throw-a-fit"],"yoast_head":"\nRemember it's HUM\u263aR - D\u263an't thr\u263aw a fit! - Watchwoman on the Wall<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/watchwomanonthewall\/2011\/07\/remember-its-hum\u263ar-d\u263ant-thr\u263aw-a-fit.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Remember it's HUM\u263aR - D\u263an't thr\u263aw a fit! - Watchwoman on the Wall\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"    Saving President Obama One day President Obama fell off a bridge and was saved by three young boys. 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