{"id":12885,"date":"2012-02-28T18:43:38","date_gmt":"2012-02-28T23:43:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/watchwomanonthewall\/?p=12885"},"modified":"2012-02-28T18:44:42","modified_gmt":"2012-02-28T23:44:42","slug":"humor-southern-police","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/watchwomanonthewall\/2012\/02\/humor-southern-police.html","title":{"rendered":"Humor – Southern Police"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
Bad boys, bad boys, whacha gonna do when they come for you?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”<\/p>\n

2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”<\/p>\n

3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” (My Favorite)<\/p>\n

4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”<\/p>\n

5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” (LOVE IT)<\/p>\n

6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”<\/p>\n

7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”<\/p>\n

8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”<\/p>\n

9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”<\/p>\n

10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”<\/p>\n

11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”<\/p>\n

12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” ( National Crime Information Center )<\/p>\n

13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”<\/p>\n

14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”<\/p>\n

15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”<\/p>\n

AND THE WINNER IS….<\/p>\n

16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers: 1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” 2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.” 3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":403,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[181,827],"tags":[666,4498,3414,4497],"class_list":["post-12885","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-law-enforcement","tag-clean-humor","tag-hum","tag-humr","tag-redneck-humor"],"yoast_head":"\nHumor - Southern Police - Watchwoman on the Wall<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/watchwomanonthewall\/2012\/02\/humor-southern-police.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Humor - Southern Police - Watchwoman on the Wall\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"  These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers: 1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” 2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. 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