{"id":185,"date":"2006-11-20T14:28:00","date_gmt":"2006-11-20T14:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/virtualtalmud\/2006\/11\/can-religious-leaders-be-perfect.html"},"modified":"2006-11-20T14:28:00","modified_gmt":"2006-11-20T14:28:00","slug":"can-religious-leaders-be-perfect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/virtualtalmud\/2006\/11\/can-religious-leaders-be-perfect.html","title":{"rendered":"Can Religious Leaders Be Perfect?"},"content":{"rendered":"

At the very beginning of my rabbinical studies, one of my teachers gave me a sage piece of advice: “Don\u2019t let your congregants put you on a pedestal. Then they\u2019ll spend all their time trying to knock you off of it.” The point is that clergy are often held up to unrealistic expectations\u2013the “perfect” rabbi is supposed to make only $20,000 a year and give away $30,000 of it to tzedakah<\/em>!\u2013and then are faulted when they fail to live up to them.<\/p>\n

The key, as my teacher was telling me, was not to get caught up in this dynamic in the first place. Don\u2019t let your congregation start believing you\u2019re superhuman (flawless) and don\u2019t let yourself start believing it either. <\/p>\n

Clergy are very human, with human strengths and weaknesses. Certainly we should be aspiring to the highest levels of ethical behavior that we can, but we also need to be honest and open about issues that we are struggling with. A rabbi who is “perfect” has nothing to teach his or her congregants, who aren\u2019t. But a rabbi who confronts difficult issues with honesty and integrity can offer congregants a model of how to do the same in their own lives. <\/p>\n

As Gayle Haggard, wife of disgraced evangelical minister Ted Haggard<\/a>, acknowledged in a letter to her former congregation, \u201cFor those of you who have been concerned that my marriage was so perfect I could not possibly relate to the women who are facing great difficulties, know that this will never again be the case.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ted Haggard, like so many other religious leaders<\/a>, seemed to believe that he always had to project an image of \u2018perfection\u2019 at all costs. Perhaps the most extreme example of this is Rabbi Fred Neulander<\/a>, who hired a hit man to murder his wife rather than suffer the humiliation of a divorce. <\/p>\n

Clergy need to acknowledge that we are not perfect and reach out for help when we need it, rather than trying to maintain a perfect fa\u00e7ade that does both us and our congregants a real disservice. Worst of all, we can begin to believe about ourselves what others wish to believe about us, and then we are doomed. <\/p>\n

Instead of holding ourselves above the congregation, we must lead from within\u2013showing that even a flawed, imperfect, everyday person has the possibility\u2013and obligation\u2013to strive for honesty, holiness, and the highest of ethical standards.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At the very beginning of my rabbinical studies, one of my teachers gave me a sage piece of advice: “Don\u2019t let your congregants put you on a pedestal. Then they\u2019ll spend all their time trying to knock you off of it.” The point is that clergy are often held up to unrealistic expectations\u2013the “perfect” rabbi…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":102,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-185","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nCan Religious Leaders Be Perfect? - Virtual Talmud<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/virtualtalmud\/2006\/11\/can-religious-leaders-be-perfect.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Can Religious Leaders Be Perfect? - Virtual Talmud\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"At the very beginning of my rabbinical studies, one of my teachers gave me a sage piece of advice: “Don\u2019t let your congregants put you on a pedestal. 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