{"id":832,"date":"2013-04-02T17:00:57","date_gmt":"2013-04-02T21:00:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/truthsyoucanuse\/?p=832"},"modified":"2013-04-02T17:00:57","modified_gmt":"2013-04-02T21:00:57","slug":"why-i-officiate-at-interfaith-weddings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/truthsyoucanuse\/2013\/04\/why-i-officiate-at-interfaith-weddings.html","title":{"rendered":"Why I Officiate at Interfaith Weddings"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n\"Chelsea<\/a><\/p>\n

Nearly three years ago the world witnessed a seminal moment in American Jewish history.<\/strong>\u00a0Chelsea Clinton, the daughter of an American President and a Secretary of State, married Jewish American Marc Mezvinsky, who was clad in atallis<\/em>\u00a0(Jewish prayer shawl) and\u00a0yamakah<\/em>\u00a0(traditional headcovering).<\/strong>\u00a0A rabbi officiated along with a minister. The wedding unabashedly embraced Jewish marriage symbols, and even some of the most traditional rabbis who strongly oppose interfaith marriage\u00a0acknowledged\u00a0<\/a>the power of Marc\u2019s open display of Jewish ritual.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Few people outside of a small group of rabbis criticized the interfaith marriage ceremony.<\/strong>\u00a0The American public and most of the Jewish community have overwhelmingly decided that intermarriage is not a\u00a0shanda<\/em>\u00a0(Yiddish for a scandal or embarassment).<\/strong>\u00a0Intermarriage is part of the fabric of American Jewish life.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Still, many rabbis resist officiating at interfaith weddings.<\/strong>\u00a0Some see officiation as giving intermarriage a rabbinic stamp of approval.<\/strong>\u00a0Others see it as not within their purview of responsibility.<\/strong>\u00a0Others think it contributes to assimilation and the decline of Jewish life in America.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I see it differently. Part of my job as a rabbi is to embrace interfaith couples and help make Judaism a compelling and important part of their lives.<\/strong>\u00a0That means being their rabbi at the most sacred moment of life.<\/strong>\u00a0Here\u2019s why:<\/p>\n

Intermarriage Is Not a Rejection of Judaism<\/strong><\/p>\n

For most of Jewish history, interfaith marriage was not only rare but effectively served as an exit visa from Jewish life.<\/strong>\u00a0Prior to 1960, the rate of intermarriage among American Jews was less than 3 percent.<\/strong>\u00a0This rate began to climb in the late 1960s and early 1970s.<\/strong>\u00a0This new trend reflected the evolution of American society.<\/strong>\u00a0Through the 1960s and 1970s, many of the barriers that had impeded Jewish advancement collapsed.<\/strong>\u00a0University quotas ended and professional positions that had once been effectively closed to Jews became open.<\/strong>\u00a0Indeed, by the 1990s many of the Ivy League universities that once had Jewish quotas now employed Jewish presidents.<\/strong><\/p>\n

As Jews became integrated into mainstream American culture, they began to meet and marry those from other faiths and backgrounds.<\/strong>\u00a0This new generation of Jews did not see intermarriage as a rejection of Jewish life.<\/strong>\u00a0Rather, they exemplified Rabbi Alexander Schindler\u2019s understanding of intermarriage as the inevitable result of American Jewish acculturation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Should We Circle the Wagons?<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, some responded to this new reality with a \u201ccircle the wagons\u201d approach.<\/strong>\u00a0Growing intermarriage, they reason, demands that synagogues and communities build stronger walls and promote greater resistance to the \u201cdilution\u201d of Judaism that intermarriage represents.<\/strong>\u00a0To do anything otherwise would be to give tacit approval to a dangerous phenomenon.<\/strong><\/p>\n

On the other hand, many leaders have argued for a policy of outreach.<\/strong>\u00a0Rather than reject the intermarried, they say, let us welcome and engage them.<\/strong>Significant differences exist, however, even among advocates of this more inclusive approach.<\/strong>\u00a0These differences usually center on rabbinic officiation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Many say that rabbis can welcome interfaith couples to Jewish life without officiating at their weddings.<\/strong>\u00a0Such officiation, they contend, violates one\u2019s role as a rabbi and constitutes an endorsement of something that the Reform movement officially discourages.<\/strong>\u00a0Furthermore, performing such a marriage limits the incentive for conversion.<\/strong>\u00a0From this point of view, conversion is the strongest indicator of Jewish commitment and increases the likelihood of raising Jewish children.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rabbinic Officiation Makes All the Difference<\/strong><\/p>\n

I understand this point of view and appreciate the way many have come to it.<\/strong>My faith and my reading of the evidence, however, suggest that a different approach is more effective.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A wedding is often a peak moment of life, and it is an opportunity to imprint a wonderful Jewish memory and help a couple begin life together with Jewish guidance and support.<\/strong>\u00a0Rabbinic participation and counseling can help a couple appreciate the beauty and significance of Jewish rituals and values.<\/strong>\u00a0It can also help them avoid the damaging feelings of abandonment and guilt frequently experienced by those who feel isolated from their religious community.<\/strong>\u00a0Many devoted young Jews who fall in love with and seek to marry a non-Jew experience despair when unable to stand under the huppah at their synagogue with their rabbi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This an enormous lost opportunity. Rabbinic officiation can serve as an invitation to Jewish life.<\/strong>\u00a0It can convey the message that we want a couple and their future family to become part of the community, create a Jewish home and raise a Jewish family.<\/strong>\u00a0It can demonstrate the potential for Judaism to be a source of joy and meaning in an interfaith family.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2018Go and See What the People Are Doing\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n

Reform Judaism is the only liberal religious movement to have grown numerically over the last quarter century.<\/strong>\u00a0Its growth has benefitted enormously from interfaith couples and their extended families.<\/strong>\u00a0Young adults who grew up in Conservative congregations and who are now intermarrying find the most welcoming home in Reform synagogues, and they are frequently joined later by their parents.<\/strong>\u00a0This reality has led one of the country\u2019s most prominent Conservative rabbis (and a personal friend) to call for a\u00a0rethinking\u00a0<\/a>of the movement\u2019s policy.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Judaism has survived for more than 4,000 years because we evolved and adapted to our time and place.<\/strong>\u00a0The great first century sage, Rabbi Hillel, urged leaders of his generation to\u00a0Puk Hazai Mai Amma Davar<\/em>\u00a0\u2013 \u201cGo and see what the people are doing.<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n

We should do no less. A great number of American Reform Jews are part of interfaith relationships, and few of them chose their partner in an effort to distance themselves from the Jewish community.<\/strong>\u00a0Rather, many today are seeking a warm and welcoming rabbi and community.<\/strong>\u00a0They are searching for a spiritual home and a place to educate their children.<\/strong>\u00a0We can build those homes. We can exemplify the commandment of welcoming the stranger.<\/strong>\u00a0And in so doing, we can create vibrant communities for American Jews and their families in the 21st century.<\/strong><\/p>\n

To receive Rabbi Moffic\u2019s weekly digest of Jewish wisdom, click\u00a0here.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Nearly three years ago the world witnessed a seminal moment in American Jewish history.\u00a0Chelsea Clinton, the daughter of an American President and a Secretary of State, married Jewish American Marc Mezvinsky, who was clad in atallis\u00a0(Jewish prayer shawl) and\u00a0yamakah\u00a0(traditional headcovering).\u00a0A rabbi officiated along with a minister. The wedding unabashedly embraced Jewish marriage symbols, and even…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":507,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy I Officiate at Interfaith Weddings - Truths You Can Use<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why I Officiate at Interfaith Weddings - Truths You Can Use\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Nearly three years ago the world witnessed a seminal moment in American Jewish history.\u00a0Chelsea Clinton, the daughter of an American President and a Secretary of State, married Jewish American Marc Mezvinsky, who was clad in atallis\u00a0(Jewish prayer shawl) and\u00a0yamakah\u00a0(traditional headcovering).\u00a0A rabbi officiated along with a minister. 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