{"id":239,"date":"2009-02-23T21:23:06","date_gmt":"2009-02-23T21:23:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/tonyjones\/2009\/02\/mondays-with-mark-2.html"},"modified":"2009-02-23T21:23:06","modified_gmt":"2009-02-23T21:23:06","slug":"mondays-with-mark-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/tonyjones\/2009\/02\/mondays-with-mark-2.html","title":{"rendered":"Mondays with Mark"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here’s the next in my occasional series with Mark Patrick, my spiritual director.<\/i><\/p>\n

Tony<\/b>: Mark, one of the things that you’ve said to me that
\ncaused me a great deal of introspection came in the late summer.  I
\nwas describing to you how angry I was getting over a \"180px-Perelachaise-croixCeltique-p1000394.jpg\"<\/span>particular situation,
\nand then I made some comment about how my weakness seems to be anger over
\ndepression.  Then you said, “Tony, anger is depression.”<\/p>\n

That
\nsurprised me because I tend to think of depression as the “noonday demon,”
\nand I think a lot of people agree with me.  But then I read The
\nChemistry of Joy<\/i><\/a>, which you recommended, and it really opened my eyes to
\nthe different way that depression manifests itself in different
\npeople.<\/p>\n

Mark: <\/b>Tony, I recall that
\nconversation.  And I recall many times in my own experience where I
\nfound it hard to separate anger and depression as well.  A good deal
\nof my understanding comes from the work of Dr. Steven Stosny<\/a>, a researcher
\nand therapist from the Maryland area.  While it’s based on current
\nbrain research I find it completely compatible with my understanding
\nof the teachings of Jesus Christ. <\/p>\n


The bottom line is that
\nthe catalyst for both anger and depression is often the hurts we
\nexperience at a very deep level…experiencing feelings of being
\nmisunderstood, rejected, unimportant, powerless, and even unlovable. 
\nOut of those feelings (and the thoughts that led to them) we can lash out
\nat someone else, get upset with ourselves, withdraw from others in
\nisolation, or try to avoid the hurts altogether with some compulsive
\nbehaviors that only complicate our situations.<\/font><\/div>\n
   
I recall a couple decades
\nago many counselors would tell our clients who were depressed that they
\nneed to get in touch with their anger!  So, several sessions later
\nthe client was less outwardly depressed, but now more angry and often
\nblaming someone else for their difficulty.  <\/font><\/div>\n
   
Now I see both anger and
\ndepression as two sides of the same coin.  Both are stimulated by a
\nlack of  compassion for ourselves and others.  <\/font><\/div>\n
   
And our emotional
\nexperience also stems from other factors which include; one’s genetic
\nmakeup, lifestyle factors such as nutrition, exercise, stress
\nreduction, and less tangible but just as real factors as ones
\npositive connections through faith, prayer, and
\nmeditation.  All of these are made more effective with helpful candid
\nconnections with other people.<\/font><\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
Tony<\/b>: Well, I know that you’ve had your own experiences with depression,
\ntoo, and that’s helped me so much when we’ve met.  What I’m saying is
\nthat it’s gone beyond the clinical into the ability to share life with one
\nanother.<\/p>\n

I know beyond a doubt that exercise and diet affect my
\ntendencies toward “angry depression,” as Henry Emmons<\/a> writes about.  He
\nbreaks depression down into three types: anxiety depression, angry depression,
\nand slothful depression.  As I read those chapters, I knew clearly where
\nI fit, and I’ve tried, of late, to change my diet, sleep, and exercise
\npatterns as he suggests (although my back surgery has slowed down my progress
\na bit).  Emmons even suggests certain types of food and herbs that will
\nliterally affect my brain chemistry and supplement the overages or deficiences
\nI have in particular brain chemicals!  I found that information
\nfascinating.<\/p>\n

Are you willing write a bit about our own journey through
\na particular type of depression?<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/div>\n
Mark<\/b>:  A<\/font>s
\nI think back on my life I have always leaned a bit
\ntoward depression.  I used to think of it as being the reflective
\ntype, you know English Major and all that.   However, I had a few
\nfactors that made me more
\nsusceptable to depression: I believe both my
\nparents struggled with depression.  My father’s was complicated by
\nhis alcohol abuse.  So, there was a genetic factor there for me. 
\nBeyond that I had quite a conservative religious background in church,
\nwhere at that time anger and depression were both suspect. 
\nThere was high value placed on being nice and not making waves. 
\nAsking questions<\/font> was not especially
\nencouraged.  So, my interpretation was that I should be happy and not be
\nupset–or it was my own fault.  <\/font><\/div>\n
   
\nA couple years ago I finally
\nwent to find some help for myself.  I didn’t realize that I still had
\nsome of the stigma attached to getting help for mental health I criticised
\nothers for having.  I thought it was fine as long as it was someone else,
\nbut I shouldn’t need it myself.  Which I know is simply not the
\ncase.  So, I’ve found a number of resources that are vital to
\nme now.  First is a more candid and deeper relationship with my
\nwife.  Next is actually a deeper experience of faith–a focus on
\ncontemplative prayer.  One type of journalling for me consists
\nof writing prayers–simple, honest, candid, and personal…I have a stronger
\nsense of God’s presence than previouisly.  <\/font><\/div>\n
   
\nAlong with that are the
\nprinciples you mentioned from The Chemistry of Joy<\/a> <\/em>book:  Better
\nnutrition, more exercise, some medication, and meditation.  But in all of
\nit is a more open attitude toward myself and allowing other people to know
\nme.  I’m finding a kind of connection with people I tried to provide for
\nothers but didn’t often experience myself.  Now I’m
\nlearning…<\/font><\/div>\n
 <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s the next in my occasional series with Mark Patrick, my spiritual director. Tony: Mark, one of the things that you’ve said to me that caused me a great deal of introspection came in the late summer.  I was describing to you how angry I was getting over a particular situation, and then I made…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":134,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"\nMondays with Mark - The New Christians<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/tonyjones\/2009\/02\/mondays-with-mark-2.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mondays with Mark - The New Christians\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here’s the next in my occasional series with Mark Patrick, my spiritual director. 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