{"id":535,"date":"2011-02-07T09:03:07","date_gmt":"2011-02-07T09:03:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2011\/02\/letting-go-of-lists-learning-to-love.html"},"modified":"2011-02-07T09:03:07","modified_gmt":"2011-02-07T09:03:07","slug":"letting-go-of-lists-learning-to-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2011\/02\/letting-go-of-lists-learning-to-love.html","title":{"rendered":"Letting Go of Lists, Learning to Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Thumbnail<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

It’s been my habit for years. Every night before I go to sleep,
\nI pull an index card out of the top drawer of my bedside table. I jot down the “to
\ndo’s” floating around in my head. When I’m done, the card might include
\nappointments for the next day. It might note errands or phone calls or emails I’m
\nafraid I’ll forget to write. And, generally, it will include ideas for blog
\nposts as well as notes–revise chapter 12<\/i> or brainstorm magazine pitches<\/i>, and
\nthe like. <\/p>\n

This past week, I’ve tried to resume the pattern. But when I
\npull out the index card, I don’t quite know what to write. I’ve written all the
\nblog posts I need for the next few weeks. The manuscript of my book is in the
\nhands of my editor. Everyone knows I’ve had a baby and might take a while to
\nreturn emails and phone calls. There are a few obvious items: Order baby book. Birth announcement. Thank
\nyou notes.<\/i> But nothing pressing. Nothing that really must get done soon.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

It struck me, as I considered my desire for the orderliness of a to-do list, for a structure to these days that are so out of the ordinary, that caring for a family cannot be summed up on a 4×6 card. Caring for a family, and especially a newborn, is unpredictable. I couldn’t have known that Marilee would have her first poop explosion and require a bath at 6:48 one night last week. And I couldn’t have planned for Penny and William to be in the bathroom, with their dad at just that time. I couldn’t have organized our little gathering–all five of us together, with Penny and William gazing at their naked little sister, asking questions about her umbilical cord and her cries, looking relieved when she was wrapped in a towel and quiet again. I can’t predict when she will sleep. I don’t know her patterns yet. My job is not to order her days. It is to be attentive to her in the moment.<\/p>\n

\n<\/p>\n

\"Thumbnail<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Beyond that, of course, lies the truth that love cannot be summarized
\nby a list of tasks. Yesterday, I found myself so focused on tasks that I
\nignored William and snapped at Penny. But this is a time when I don’t need to
\nget the laundry done or wash dishes or accomplish something at the computer.
\nThis is a time when I am invited to actively love our children, to not only
\nwelcome Marilee into our family, but to welcome Penny as a big sister and
\nWilliam as a big brother. Now is the time to cuddle on the couch and read
\nstories, the time to talk about school and who brought what for show and tell
\nand admire an art project and allow plentiful kisses for that little bundle,
\nMarilee, content to sleep in the midst of our noises, every so often gazing
\nwith her big blue eyes at the lights above. Now is not the time for lists or
\nproductivity. It is the time for active, patient, spontaneous expressions of
\nlove. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s been my habit for years. Every night before I go to sleep, I pull an index card out of the top drawer of my bedside table. I jot down the “to do’s” floating around in my head. When I’m done, the card might include appointments for the next day. It might note errands or…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":88,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-535","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family"],"yoast_head":"\nLetting Go of Lists, Learning to Love - Thin Places<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2011\/02\/letting-go-of-lists-learning-to-love.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Letting Go of Lists, Learning to Love - Thin Places\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It’s been my habit for years. 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Two major life experiences have shaped her writing and her faith\u00e2\u20ac\u201dcaring for her mother-in-law as she battled cancer and welcoming her daughter Penny into the world after she was diagnosed at birth with Down syndrome. Both experiences expanded and enriched her understanding of what it means to be human and to receive each and every person as a gift.\u00c2\u00a0 A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, she is the author of Penelope Ayers: A Memoir, and the forthcoming A Good and Perfect Gift (Bethany House). Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/535","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=535"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/535\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=535"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=535"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=535"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}