{"id":530,"date":"2011-02-14T09:13:09","date_gmt":"2011-02-14T09:13:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2011\/02\/the-gift-of-being-single.html"},"modified":"2011-02-14T09:13:09","modified_gmt":"2011-02-14T09:13:09","slug":"the-gift-of-being-single","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2011\/02\/the-gift-of-being-single.html","title":{"rendered":"The Gift of Being Single"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n\"feb14.jpg\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Peter and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. We did way back
\nwhen, in the early dating years, when we were teenagers. But we soon decided it
\nwas simply an opportunity to support Hallmark, and we decided to celebrate the
\njoys of our relationship throughout the year. We’re fortunate enough to have a
\nweekly date night, and he does a good job of remembering to bring home flowers
\non random occasions. So I don’t mind the lack of hoopla on February 14th<\/sup>.<\/p>\n

If I were single, however, the hearts and flowers and
\njewelry and dinners out would probably get to me. I’d want to sulk or complain
\nor curl up in a ball and bemoan my lot in life. And I imagine I would feel
\njealous, at least for the day, of people like me, people with a steady and
\nfaithful husband who don’t even need to think about Valentine’s Day because of
\nthe relationship that sustains us the whole year long.<\/p>\n

The funny thing is that sometimes I feel pangs of envy for
\nmy single friends. Don’t get me wrong–I adore my husband. I’m incredibly
\ngrateful for our children. And I know that living alone as an adult is tough.
\nAnd yet I want to believe that singleness, at least for a time, is also a gift.\n<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Especially now that I’m a mom, my ability to care for other people has diminished. When my sister was in labor, I couldn’t simply rush to her side to be present for the birth of her son, even though I would have loved to be there, even though she was in the waiting room when Penny was born. When a friend is in the midst of a crisis–an illness, depression, whatever–I no longer have the capacity to respond immediately. When our church announces an opportunity to serve others–say, bringing dinner to a group of people on a Saturday night–it’s unlikely that I can participate. Having a family hems me in. It restricts my time, my attention, my abilities. Or maybe I shouldn’t say restrict, because I don’t mean it to be negative. Having a family condenses my time, my attention, my abilities. They have to be concentrated more fully on these little people who run around our house and need care.<\/p>\n

If you are single this Valentine’s Day, I write this in hopes that it might encourage you, encourage you that as you wait for a partner and a family, you can bless those around you. And I hope and pray you will experience God’s blessing in return. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Peter and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. We did way back when, in the early dating years, when we were teenagers. But we soon decided it was simply an opportunity to support Hallmark, and we decided to celebrate the joys of our relationship throughout the year. 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Two major life experiences have shaped her writing and her faith\u00e2\u20ac\u201dcaring for her mother-in-law as she battled cancer and welcoming her daughter Penny into the world after she was diagnosed at birth with Down syndrome. Both experiences expanded and enriched her understanding of what it means to be human and to receive each and every person as a gift.\u00c2\u00a0 A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, she is the author of Penelope Ayers: A Memoir, and the forthcoming A Good and Perfect Gift (Bethany House). Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/530","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=530"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/530\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=530"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=530"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=530"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}