{"id":418,"date":"2010-11-05T14:40:11","date_gmt":"2010-11-05T14:40:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2010\/11\/even-if-you-have-to-lie-about-it-tell-her-she-looks-great.html"},"modified":"2010-11-05T14:40:11","modified_gmt":"2010-11-05T14:40:11","slug":"even-if-you-have-to-lie-about-it-tell-her-she-looks-great","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/11\/even-if-you-have-to-lie-about-it-tell-her-she-looks-great.html","title":{"rendered":"Even if you have to lie about it, tell her she looks great…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"pregnant<\/a><\/span>Why is it that a pregnant woman’s body becomes an object other people feel free to comment upon? And why is it that people think it’s okay to comment upon how large a pregnant woman looks when it is considered rude to do the same with a non-pregnant person?<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
A few recent examples:<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“When are you due?”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“In January.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“Are you sure you aren’t having twins?”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Forced smile. “I think I would know by now.” <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Or:<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“When are you due?”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“In January. Just two more months.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“Are you sure that’s the right due date?” And then she paused, as if she was really questioning whether I had the due date correct.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“Yes. I’m sure.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“But you look like you could give birth right now.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I held back the line I wanted to offer–well, you look like you could give birth too, and you aren’t even pregnant. And again, I forced a smile, “Well, hopefully the baby will wait until January.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
One more:<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“When are you due?”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“In January.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
“Wow. Do you always look so large when you’re pregnant?”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
For the record, I am 29 weeks pregnant and I have gained 25 pounds. Not record setting levels, although apparently it looks quite pronounced on my 5′ 1″ frame. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
I wish I could write that I have learned about graciousness and compassion from all these comments. Or at least that I’ve developed a tougher skin and really don’t care what people say. But it just makes me mad. And I do care.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
So really, all I’ve learned (and this is the third go round) is that it is never appropriate to tell a woman that she looks large. If you want to say it, don’t. Try not to think about her as an unusual object but as a human being. Remember that it’s not exciting for her to lose the ability to touch her toes or sleep comfortably or eat tomato-based products. And just say, “You look great.” Even if you have to lie. <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why is it that a pregnant woman’s body becomes an object other people feel free to comment upon? And why is it that people think it’s okay to comment upon how large a pregnant woman looks when it is considered rude to do the same with a non-pregnant person? 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Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/418","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=418"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/418\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=418"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=418"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=418"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}