{"id":349,"date":"2010-09-01T09:00:46","date_gmt":"2010-09-01T09:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2010\/09\/parenting-the-good-the-bad-the-ugly.html"},"modified":"2010-09-01T09:00:46","modified_gmt":"2010-09-01T09:00:46","slug":"parenting-the-good-the-bad-the-ugly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/09\/parenting-the-good-the-bad-the-ugly.html","title":{"rendered":"Parenting: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n\"IMG_5531.JPG\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Story Number One:<\/p>\n

Despite the title of this post (and despite the picture, which corresponds to Story Number Two), I’m going to start with the
\nbad and the ugly: It was last Thursday. I had Penny and William to myself for
\nthe day, and I woke up determined to be a fabulous mom. We would bake brownies and
\nsing songs and clean the house in anticipation of some family visitors. It was
\ngoing to be great.<\/p>\n

But Penny was having a rough morning. Within two hours I had
\nyelled at her, yanked her arm hard enough that she tripped and fell down, and I
\nhad accidentally locked her inside the kitchen (long story). Needless to say,
\ntears on her side, simmering rage on mine. <\/p>\n

Story Number Two:<\/p>\n

William grabbed Penny’s glasses for the third time. He had
\nalready had a time out on the side of the road (we were walking home from my
\ngrandparents’). He had been warned that another grabbing incident would get him
\na spanking, and we had explained that spankings hurt (he’s never had one
\nbefore). Now it was time.<\/p>\n

So we stopped the stroller. I looked him in the eye and
\ntalked about what was going to happen. I took his hand and slapped it. Hard.
\nHis eyes got big, welling with tears. The corners of his mouth turned down. He
\nreached out his arms. “Pick me up, Mama!”<\/p>\n

I held him tight. Penny, the victim of his crime, was so
\nupset by his punishment that she started to cry too.<\/p>\n

When we got home, we had a family gathering in our kitchen. All four of us, cross-legged on the floor. We talked about what
\nhad happened. Why William got a time out and then a spanking. Why it’s a bad
\nchoice to grab. And then William looked at Penny. He said, “I’m sorry, Penny.”
\nShe said, “I forgive you William.” And they hugged.<\/p>\n

So what do I take away from these two stories? I had
\nsimilarly good intentions in both cases. My kids misbehaved and I reprimanded
\nthem in both cases. And yet one was a disaster, and the other a beautiful
\nmoment. <\/p>\n

All I can say is that sometimes I get it right and sometimes
\nI don’t. And in the times I don’t, when I’m impatient and when I overreact, and
\nwhen I want to walk out of the house and slam the door, I hope I can take a
\nmoment to reflect on what went wrong. To say to my kids, “I’m sorry.” And I
\nhope they will say, “I forgive you, Mama.” And then we’ll hug. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

(P.S. As a total aside, I would like to point out the photo at the top of this post. On a 95 degree sunny day, Penny was prepared for the rain and William for the snow. And both of those preparations included pink items with polka-dots. Hmm.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Story Number One: Despite the title of this post (and despite the picture, which corresponds to Story Number Two), I’m going to start with the bad and the ugly: It was last Thursday. I had Penny and William to myself for the day, and I woke up determined to be a fabulous mom. 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Two major life experiences have shaped her writing and her faith\u00e2\u20ac\u201dcaring for her mother-in-law as she battled cancer and welcoming her daughter Penny into the world after she was diagnosed at birth with Down syndrome. Both experiences expanded and enriched her understanding of what it means to be human and to receive each and every person as a gift.\u00c2\u00a0 A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, she is the author of Penelope Ayers: A Memoir, and the forthcoming A Good and Perfect Gift (Bethany House). Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/349","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=349"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/349\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=349"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=349"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=349"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}