{"id":330,"date":"2010-08-10T14:26:57","date_gmt":"2010-08-10T14:26:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2010\/08\/perfectly-human-staring-by-john-sharon.html"},"modified":"2010-08-10T14:26:57","modified_gmt":"2010-08-10T14:26:57","slug":"perfectly-human-staring-by-john-sharon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/08\/perfectly-human-staring-by-john-sharon.html","title":{"rendered":"Perfectly Human**: Staring, by John Sharon"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n\"johnsharon.jpg\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Back in 1964, I was born with a rare condition called
\nArthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita<\/a>. The doctors predicted I’d never live, and
\nif I did live, I’d never walk, and even if I did both those things, I’d
\ncertainly not have a normal brain (“mentally retarded” is the term they used).
\nWrong. Wrong. And wrong again. But I do have this thing called a disability,
\nand let’s put it this way: I am not one to blend easily into a crowd.<\/p>\n

First, I walk with leg braces that keep my knees straight.
\nSo in order to propel myself, I sort of waddle from side to side to put one
\nfoot in front of the other. To the untrained or unaccustomed eye, I may look
\nmore like a drunk penguin when I walk. Second, my arms are very skinny and
\nstraight, and my hands are small and curved under. On the one hand, I can
\nsometimes have an out-of-body experience and imagine that I’m really quite
\nfascinating to look at. On the other, I often times don’t think of myself as
\nhaving a disability at all. Quite frankly, I forget it’s there. (After all,
\nwhen you’ve lived with something all your life, it becomes, well, normal.) I
\npay it no mind whatsoever until I see someone staring at me. And then I
\nremember.<\/p>\n

I am now in my mid-40s, and it’s only been recently that
\nI’ve come to realize my ambivalence toward the stares of others. I really do
\nunderstand the temptation to gaze upon that which is so different, especially
\nwhen those gazes come from the eyes of small children. Kids are, after all,
\nnaturally curious, and it makes me crazy when parents scold their kids for
\nstaring at me–even as they stare at me themselves. Still, there is a fine line
\nbetween curiosity and rudeness, and sometimes I just wish people would leave me
\nalone. Maybe today I don’t want to think about this disability; maybe today I
\nwant to swim in my pool of denial and pretend that things are okay. Maybe today
\nI want you to put away your default to the superficial and see me for who I
\nreally am.<\/p>\n

A long time ago, back when I was a brash little kid with an
\nattitude, I used to catch people staring at me and I’d do one of two things:
\nI’d stare back at them as intently as they were staring at me. Or, when my
\nconfidence was high and the brashness at fever pitch, I’d yell at them. “Hey,
\ntake a picture!” I’d shout. “It lasts longer!” It was a sure-fire way to stop
\nthe staring, but I’m not so certain it taught anyone a meaningful lesson along
\nthe way.<\/p>\n

Even my own sisters, who you’d think should know better, are
\nnot immune from the staring bug. Once, when the three of us went out for a
\npizza, a guy came into the restaurant who was clearly visually impaired: he had
\na cane and a pair of seeing eye dogs (why he had two dogs with him I’ll never
\nknow). As the evening progressed, I noticed my sisters (my own flesh and blood!)
\nwere staring at the guy with the dogs. “You guys,” I whispered. “Stop doing
\nthat!” The reply was funny, but instructive. “Why?” said one. “He can’t tell.”
\nFirst of all, I was sure that he could tell (Intuition? An acute sense of
\nhearing?). But even if he couldn’t, that didn’t make the staring any less rude.
\nEven so, I did understand my sisters’ curiosity. Perhaps it was at that moment
\nthat my ambivalence toward the staring was born.<\/p>\n

Today I am married and the father of two (non-disabled)
\nchildren. I know my kids (ages 11 and 13) are acutely aware of the stares of
\nothers when we are out together, and I also know that they don’t fully
\nunderstand when I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I
\ncringe when I am with them and they see someone staring at me, and I’m half
\nexpecting one of them to start yelling something about taking a picture.<\/p>\n

But just last week I was given reason to hope. We were out
\nat the beach on Cape Cod, and as usual I was feeling the stares of others as we
\nmade our way from the parking lot to the beach. To make matters worse, I was
\nwearing shorts and so my leg braces were more visible than usual. Then we
\npassed a boy of about 6, walking toward the bath house with his father. “Hey,
\nDad,” said the boy as he looked my way, “Look at that cool guy!” Cool guy?
\nMe?  <\/span>I can honestly say that I had
\nnever heard a kid say such a thing before, and it made me laugh out loud. Come
\nto think of it, I AM cool to look at, and I have a six year-old stranger to
\nthank for reminding me that all who stare are not all rude. Maybe they are just
\nstunned by my coolness.<\/p>\n

John Sharon is Director of Middle School at Lexington Christian Academy outside of Boston; he holds a graduate degree in Christian Studies from Regent College in Vancouver, Canada, and he is a frequent conference speaker and workshop leader on disability issues. He is also a musician (harmonica player) and a nationally licensed soccer coach.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n


<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

**<\/span>For an explanation of the title “Perfectly Human,” and to read the first entry in this series, click here<\/a>. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

To read all the entries in the series, type “Perfectly Human” into the search box in the upper right.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Back in 1964, I was born with a rare condition called Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. The doctors predicted I’d never live, and if I did live, I’d never walk, and even if I did both those things, I’d certainly not have a normal brain (“mentally retarded” is the term they used). Wrong. Wrong. 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Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=330"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/330\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=330"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=330"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=330"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}