{"id":33,"date":"2010-05-03T09:33:00","date_gmt":"2010-05-03T09:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html"},"modified":"2010-05-03T09:33:00","modified_gmt":"2010-05-03T09:33:00","slug":"if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html","title":{"rendered":"If I Accidentally Say the Word “Retarded”…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Peter was talking with a friend of ours. I don’t know the context, but she called something “retarded” as they talked.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
We bumped into her again the next day. She reached out and touched Peter’s arm. “I’m so sorry about what I said yesterday. I don’t know if you even noticed, but I was sleep deprived, and a word I never use came out of my mouth, and I’m so sorry.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
He looked her in the eye. “Thanks so much for saying that. It means a lot.”<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Pretty simple exchange, and yet it was utterly remarkable. Since Penny was born, as I’ve written about before (see Finding the Right Words<\/a>, Our Daughter Penny and the Word Retarded<\/a>, Movies and the R-Word<\/a>, They Cheered For Me<\/a>, among others), we’ve become even more conscious of the way people–intentionally, unintentionally–demean those with cognitive disabilities through their language. It runs from the top to the bottom of our culture, whether it’s President Obama joking about the Special Olympics, or the countless times we’ve overheard everyone from teenagers to grandmothers saying, “I’m so retarded,” or “That’s so retarded,” in passing conversation. Or when I picked up the New York Times on Friday to see this front page article: Promise Seen in Drug for Retardation Syndrome<\/a>. The article itself provides some helpful information. The language used to convey it leaves something to be desired.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The bottom line is that people in our culture still use the word retarded as a casual slur or joke or just a lazy way to describe themselves after making a mistake. And when the word is used in this way, it contributes to a perception that people with cognitive disabilities (a.k.a. mental retardation) can be treated with derision. <\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
But it slips out. Even for the most well-meaning, thoughtful, caring and compassionate people, it slips out. So three words of advice when it does. Say you’re sorry. That’s it. Just say you’re sorry. Brave the awkward distance. It goes a long way. <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Peter was talking with a friend of ours. I don’t know the context, but she called something “retarded” as they talked. We bumped into her again the next day. She reached out and touched Peter’s arm. “I’m so sorry about what I said yesterday. I don’t know if you even noticed, but I was sleep…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":88,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-disability","category-down-syndrome"],"yoast_head":"\nIf I Accidentally Say the Word "Retarded"... - Thin Places<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"If I Accidentally Say the Word "Retarded"... - Thin Places\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Peter was talking with a friend of ours. I don’t know the context, but she called something “retarded” as they talked. We bumped into her again the next day. She reached out and touched Peter’s arm. “I’m so sorry about what I said yesterday. I don’t know if you even noticed, but I was sleep…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Thin Places\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-05-03T09:33:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"amyjuliabecker\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"If I Accidentally Say the Word \"Retarded\"... - Thin Places","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"If I Accidentally Say the Word \"Retarded\"... - Thin Places","og_description":"Peter was talking with a friend of ours. I don’t know the context, but she called something “retarded” as they talked. We bumped into her again the next day. She reached out and touched Peter’s arm. “I’m so sorry about what I said yesterday. I don’t know if you even noticed, but I was sleep…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html","og_site_name":"Thin Places","article_published_time":"2010-05-03T09:33:00+00:00","author":"amyjuliabecker","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html","name":"If I Accidentally Say the Word \"Retarded\"... - Thin Places","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/#website"},"datePublished":"2010-05-03T09:33:00+00:00","dateModified":"2010-05-03T09:33:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/#\/schema\/person\/4dde10eee38770361dc9b46a9413776b"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/05\/if-i-accidentally-say-the-word-retarded.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"If I Accidentally Say the Word “Retarded”…"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/","name":"Thin Places","description":"Amy Julia Becker on Faith, Family, and Disability","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/#\/schema\/person\/4dde10eee38770361dc9b46a9413776b","name":"amyjuliabecker","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/222\/2222023dcae76abe6e896a3cf80e9836x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/222\/2222023dcae76abe6e896a3cf80e9836x96.jpg","caption":"amyjuliabecker"},"description":"Amy Julia Becker writes about theology, disability, family, and culture. Two major life experiences have shaped her writing and her faith\u00e2\u20ac\u201dcaring for her mother-in-law as she battled cancer and welcoming her daughter Penny into the world after she was diagnosed at birth with Down syndrome. Both experiences expanded and enriched her understanding of what it means to be human and to receive each and every person as a gift.\u00c2\u00a0 A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, she is the author of Penelope Ayers: A Memoir, and the forthcoming A Good and Perfect Gift (Bethany House). Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}