{"id":329,"date":"2010-08-11T08:57:30","date_gmt":"2010-08-11T08:57:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2010\/08\/what-having-kids-has-taught-me-about-myself.html"},"modified":"2010-08-11T08:57:30","modified_gmt":"2010-08-11T08:57:30","slug":"what-having-kids-has-taught-me-about-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/08\/what-having-kids-has-taught-me-about-myself.html","title":{"rendered":"What Having Kids Has Taught Me About Myself"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n\"IMG_5121.JPG\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

“It doesn’t seem like you enjoy time with our children,” my
\nhusband said. <\/p>\n

Ouch.<\/p>\n

That’s an exact quote. And that alone would be bad enough, but layer
\non top of it my interpretation: “You are a bad mother. You don’t love our
\nchildren.”<\/p>\n

It turned into a series of conversations. And in the end (many
\ntears and a few sleepless nights and lots of journal pages later), it was good.\n<\/p>\n

Peter and I have been together for over half our lives. We
\nmet at sixteen and started dating a week later. We grew up together. We’ve been
\nmarried eleven years. We’ve worked in the same office, happily. We’re a good
\nteam. I would’ve said we knew each other really well. And then we had kids.<\/p>\n

So what’s come out is the shocking revelation that we are
\nvery different parents. He enjoys outings and projects. Take them to the beach.
\nMake a fort. Go to the playground. I think those things are okay. The beach is
\nmessy, and the water is cold. Even as a kid, I was never big on making forts.
\nThe playground is fine, but I prefer an activity more conducive to
\nconversation.<\/p>\n

I enjoy the mundane stuff. Make the bed. Bake a cake. Sit
\nand cuddle. And those are the types of things (with the possible exception of
\nthe cuddling) that make Peter want to scream (the photo at the top, for instance, where Penny and William were “helping” to scoop sugar into the measuring cup, represents joy to me and chaos to him). <\/p>\n

It took me a week of musing to conclude that I’m not a bad
\nmother. I do love our children. Not only do I love them, I enjoy being with
\nthem, at least most of the time. <\/p>\n

Peter and I have reconciled. And we’ve learned something new
\nabout ourselves, and about one another. Instead of judging each other for
\nour weaknesses, we can try to be grateful for our respective, and different,
\nstrengths. I’m in charge of breakfast (and baking) from now on. And he will forevermore be responsible for trips to the beach.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“It doesn’t seem like you enjoy time with our children,” my husband said. Ouch. That’s an exact quote. And that alone would be bad enough, but layer on top of it my interpretation: “You are a bad mother. You don’t love our children.” It turned into a series of conversations. And in the end (many…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":88,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-329","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Having Kids Has Taught Me About Myself - Thin Places<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/08\/what-having-kids-has-taught-me-about-myself.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Having Kids Has Taught Me About Myself - Thin Places\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"“It doesn’t seem like you enjoy time with our children,” my husband said. 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Two major life experiences have shaped her writing and her faith\u00e2\u20ac\u201dcaring for her mother-in-law as she battled cancer and welcoming her daughter Penny into the world after she was diagnosed at birth with Down syndrome. Both experiences expanded and enriched her understanding of what it means to be human and to receive each and every person as a gift.\u00c2\u00a0 A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, she is the author of Penelope Ayers: A Memoir, and the forthcoming A Good and Perfect Gift (Bethany House). Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=329"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}